Emails Part 2: Emails of Self Destruction
Well, the lab saga has ended. The Love and Logic bit did work, and the subject in question opted for the consequence of poor behavior and poor choice rather than taking responsibility for the conflict that was tearing the project apart. It started out innocently enough; I had a series of conversations with the subject, indicating that for her to continue working in the lab, that she was going to have to have a direct conversation with the person she was having problems with and find a solution to the communication problems she felt were compromising her ability to work. I offered to be there for the conversation as a facilitator, but that I would not “fix” the problem; I hired the subject and her colleague (”nemesis”, for the purposes of this post) with whom she had the conflict as professionals, and expected them to behave that way. The subject was really angry with me, and when we ended our discussion, I anticipated her resignation, with came within hours, and was, in fact, a relief. When you realize you have someone on a team who is not willing to step up and take responsibility for something that is a problem for them or have a tough conversation with someone else, it is best for that individual to leave- managing them and limiting the damage they cause is a huge undertaking.
In any event, she tendered her resignation, and I accepted it. I had told her in our conversations, and reiterated in my response to her, that I wished her luck, and that although her resignation would limit the scope of the things upon which I could reccomend her (i.e. Not much good to say on the “works well with others” questions), I would be glad to support her for other endavors based on her technical skill, which is considerable, and her intellectual capacity. In the bak of my mind, I knew there was another shoe waiting to drop…
So, I informed the rest of the lab and the study staff that the subject had resigned for personal reasons and invited everyone to express their appreciation for her hard work. This email generated a contact from nemesis to the subject, which was actually gracious and professional.
The subject, of course, fired of perhaps the most poisonous, immature and unprofessional email I have ever seen at nemesis, spewing all sorts of venom and personal insults. It was not to believed. I know the content because the subject had the incredibly poor judgment to copy me and, in fact, to include me in her rant and blame me for her departure from the lab and for her own problems with communication. The email belied a level of poor judgement and immaturity that was really shocking to me; I know we have all sent things in anger, but I think we’ve all learned the lesson that once you hit “send”, there’s no taking it back.
Needless to say, the letter of recommendation offer has been quietly recinded, and the next day, the subject was releived of her keys, her credentials, and issued her last paycheck. I’ve regrouped with my remaining team, and the lessons learned by all of us are notable.
Science is hard enough to do without letting emotions, pride, and unspoken misunderstandings ruin an otherwise great opportuntiy. I only hope that the lesson that should have been learned for this mess by the subject, never email when emotional, was taken to heart.
Tags: email, female communication, lab, professional communication