Last week, the Modern Language Association’s Committee on the Status of Women published a report entitled “Standing Still: The Associate Professor Survey”, which details its findings about it’s assessments of Associate Professors at private and public institutions. Among the key findings are:
“On average, it takes women from 1 to 3.5 years longer than men to attain the rank of
professor, depending on the type of institution in which they are employed and
regardless of whether they are single, married, or divorced or have children.

Women on average and across all institutions report that they spend less time on research and writing (7.7 hours a week) than men do (9.7 hours a week), and spend more time on grading or commenting on student work (7.5 hours a week) than men do (6.0 hours a week).

Men report greater job satisfaction than women in almost all cases; women at the rank of both associate professor and professor feel less authority, autonomy, and control over
their work lives than men do. Women report very high satisfaction in only one of nine
categories: having the authority to make decisions about the content and methods in the courses they teach (85.9% report being “very satisfied”).”

Wow. None of this is a surprise, but the last part is particularly interesting to me. As a recently promoted Full Professor, the Associate Dean in charge of the Tenure and Promotion Committee for my college and a Professional Tenure Coach, I am very familiar with the “stuck in rank” phenomenon among Associate Professors, regardless of gender, but had not appreciated the disconnect between job satisfaction and gender that may play a role in the degree to which men and women seek promotion to Full Professor. It’s clearly not just that women are parents and men are not. It’s clearly not just that men get mentored and women do not. There is a more pervasive issue at play here, and I think it has to do with differences in how men and women are socialized to communicate. At the core of this is that men are more comfortable asking for and getting what they need, and can say “no” more easily than women.
One book (and now website) that does, in my view, a really nice job of discussing these differences and providing strategies for women seeking to develop stronger communication styles is Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide (http://www.womendontask.com/_. Although I hope things are changing, my experience has always been that assertive men are often viewed as “Strong, decisive, and clear-minded” and assertive women are viewed as “Aggressive, b*tchy, and pushy*. In the close halls of the academy, it only takes a few perceptions of one (male or female, for that matter) as difficult, non-collegial or entitled for some serious damage to be done to one’s ability to get a fair shake in the political world of the University. It does mean one cannot succeed, but if the wrong people get fed up with a faculty member, the path to promotion to Full can be rockier than it needs to be.
I wonder if the tendency of women to take on more and more, to have more porous boundaries between work and home, and to hesitate to say no contributes to their extended time in rank and to their reduced job satisfaction? As strong, smart women, we can take control of so many things in our lives, but when it comes to admitting that we don’t have additional capacity to take on more, we may have a hard time, and as a result, impede our own progress. Key here is for women (and men, for that matter), whether academic or not, to prioritize valuing their own time and energy as much as we value that of others. If we do that, we can more easily stay on track for promotion, feel satisfied and appreciated at home and work, and meet our goals for both.

So much of what I do every day and what I work with clients learning is how to communicate effectively at home, work, and in social situations as well.  I’ve recently put together a new report and special Bonus gift (both at no charge to whomever is interested) that brings together what I’ve found to be the keys to communicating clearly, calmly, and professionally, even under difficult circumstances. Whether you are talking to your spouse, boss, co-worker, or your child, you need to get your message across to them. The key here is that you need to be heard, but just as important, you need to hear.

How you communicate has a direct impact on your career, your family life and your relationships. In fact there is nothing in human relations that you do more than communicate.

It’s about connection. We have a need to feel understood by others. We have a need to communicate our hopes, dreams, ideas, desires and needs when necessary. We have a need to be heard, and so does the person you are talking with. Once you understand this, you will start to connect with that person.

People who know how to connect are known as powerful communicators. They are successful.

If you want to learn how to communicate successfully and really connect with others, sign up for my new special report:  How to Communicate With Power and Influence.

This article explains in detail:

• What is 5 times more effective in getting your message across than the words you are speaking.
• What will make the hearer disbelieve you, even if you are telling the truth!
• What makes up 55% of the message your listener receives, and it has nothing to do with the words you choose.
• What role your voice plays in communicating.
• How to control your voice to become a powerful communicator.

That is the first half. The second half goes into what makes people seem charming, polite and unforgettable.

In it you will learn:

• Why you will be more effective in your communication if you talk less.
• Techniques to avoid misunderstanding and make the other person feel that you really understand them.
• Clues to look for while you are listening to see how they really feel.
• How to actively listen and still get your message across!

Once you learn the techniques and the knowledge of communication in this article, you will have a clear understanding of what you can do to become a champion communicator!

No matter what your background, your educational experience or what you do in life, if you learn to communicate with power and influence, you will be on the way to greater success.

Anyone can learn these skills, and you can learn them at no charge!

Click here if you’d like to get this report for free, and also get a free bonus.

I hope the material offered in the report and the bonus gift are as useful for you as they are for me and my clients.

Remember, when you’re an effective communicator, you are a more effective professional, partner, and parent.

happy happy happy

Part of feeling the way we do at times like this is the sense that things are happening, in this case, in the economy, that we have cannot control.  Keep in mind that unless you’re an investment banking CEO, the recession and all the bad stuff happening is probably not your fault.   This is a really helpless and uncomfortable feeling, made worse by the fact that we have evidence of the effects of the larger process in our retirement and stock accounts and in the economy around us.  Well, clearly we can’t control what the stock market does or what the global economic drivers do, but by exerting control over what we can influence. 

At times like this, we have to concentrate on what we can affect, and that’s pretty much limited to what we do and how we choose to think about and approach things.  One thing you can do is to engage the power of your mind to say ‘You know what? I’m going to make a choice and I’m going to do something different rather than sitting here stewing about what I cannot control.”  Here are some tips to take your mind off your worries and help to brighten up your thinking during these tough times:   

1.  Create a Diversion:  Take the time to do some things to get your mind of things.  Make a conscious choice to do some things that are fun, even if these things do not cost a lot of money.  Some great options are going on  picnic, having a pizza and movie marathon with friends or family, bowling, hiking, or going antiquing (remember, you don’t have to buy anything!).  The point is to do something to divert your attention from worrying about what you cannot change- the larger economic climate. 

2.  Accentuate the Positive:  Another option when you’re feeling really freaked out about the bad economy or worrying about money or jobs is to stop and consciously shift your attention to thinking about what’s good.  That may mean thinking about the things that are going well, because certainly there is something (your health, your kids’ grades, your garden, that wonderful time you had with friends last week).  If may be helpful to sit down and write in a journal about those things, or to do some mental imagery around the things that are positive.  Taking time to be conscious and remember and focus on the good things can help you improve your psychology and help you stop focusing on the negative so much.

3.  Put Negative Feelings in their Place:  You can also use a journaling technique to get the bad feelings and worries out, take some time to sit with or process those feelings, and then put them away.  It may be helpful to sit down and you write down all the feelings and the frustrations that you’re having and then actually go through the act of shutting the journal and putting it away and saying, ‘OK that was my time to be frustrated and grouchy and now I’m going to move on’.  This act can help you to turn your energy to trying to have a more positive attitude.”

4.  Set Goals and Focus on Them:  Decide on some things you really want to achieve, write them down, and set your mind and energy on following through on those.  It might be reading a new book, cleaning out your closets, devoting extra time to a charity or to your church, volunteering to help at your kids’ school, or some other achievable goal that means something to you.  In these cases, you’re making progress toward a new goal and having that written down and holding yourself accountable. This can really help you feel like you’re in control of something that’s happening.

Finally, a happy bonus of volunteering or spending more time at church or working with a charity is when you’re feeling low; one of the things that’s really helpful is to try to be around other people.  Remember that there are others out there who are feeling the same way you are, and although we all have slightly different fears, problems, and worries, we are all in this together to some degree, and it’s helpful to reach out and remember that things will get better, and that n fact, there is still a lot of good in our lives. 

Office Politics

I call it “Golden Boy/Girl Syndrome”:  Someone you work with in your office has been singled out by your boss as exceptional and deserving of special consideration and, perhaps, additional perks and compensation you and your co-workers do not receive.  Golden Boys and Girls, for reasons unknown to you and others who actually work on a day-to-day basis with them and see what they do and, importantly, do not, do, are viewed by management as wonderful and very competent people who can do no wrong.  A different set of rules seems to apply to these people; during tight budget times, they receive perks removed from others, and although others are required to be accessible on weekends and evenings, Golden Boys and Girls are exempt.  Of course, if these people were was really doing a remarkable job and working really hard, their reputations would be deserved and understandable, but in the Golden Boy/Girls case, the anointed ones are not pulling their weight, but are just really good at kissing up to your boss, appearing to be busy at key times while producing very little, and promoting themselves shamelessly to your boss and others.  In the meantime, you have your head down, are working your tail off, playing by the rules, and expect to be rewarded for doing that, but instead, the Golden Boys and Girls get the larger raise, get more budget in their areas, are provided with additional professional development resources, and gets publicly praised.  What on earth are you supposed to do when you find yourself in a situation like this?  How do you keep up your morale, remain a team-player, and cope with this situation?  One clear option is to find another job, but in a tough job market like today’s, this may not be a realistic strategy.  Here are some suggestions for first, reality checking yourself and your perceptions, and second, finding ways to keep from going nuts over the frustration created by Golden Boy Syndrome.  Having said that, I present one large caveat before launching in to the rest of this entry- you should be spending the VAST majority of your time doing your job and furthering your won career by working diligently and with integrity, and very very little of your time and energy thinking about the Golden Ones.  The reality, however, is that these situations can create lots of frustration for you and be totally demoralizing, so from time to time, you may need to step back and deal with the effects of Golden Boy/Girl Syndrome.

Step One:  Check Yourself

Like it or not, there are times when our perceptions about situations like this are not correct.  There is information we do not have, or the decision to anoint the Golden Boy is not coming from your boss, but from someone higher up in your company.  Although it may be hard to do, before you conclude that Steve or Jane is a Golden Boy or Girl with no justification, do some fact-finding if you can.  Here are some questions to ask yourself in this process, and  Is it possible that you are not aware of things Steve or Jane is doing and that they are, in fact, really contributing in ways you do not see?  See what you can do to answer this question without wasting too much time.  Also, is it possible that forces outside your office have determined the status of the Golden One?  Listen to water cooler-conversation and check in with colleagues.  The fact is that sometimes folks in this position are there because of some political or litigious situation beyond your office environment.  This, of course, is not good, but it is simply a fact of life sometimes, and knowing that may help you look at your boss’ situation in a different light. 

Step Two:  Support Yourself

So let’s assume that you’ve concluded that indeed, Steve or Jane fits the “Golden One” definition and that you are getting the short end of the stick at the office as a result.  What can you do?  Well, as tempting as it may be to complain about it (more about that later) your first and most effective strategy is to focus your attention away from the injustice at hand and do everything in your power to elevate yourself, do a fantastic job, act professionally and courteously, and distinguish yourself as the person Steve or Jane is purported to be-  an invaluable, incredibly competent, member of the organization who deserves recognition.  Here are some tips on how to accomplish this:

-Make every effort to get along well with your boss, your co-workers, and especially Steve or Jane. Although this last one is hard to swallow, the fact is that since your boss favors Steve or Jane, alienating the Golden One may very well jeopardize only your own career.

-Stop fretting about the injustice of the Golden Boy/Girl Syndrome and the special relationship Steve or Jane has with your boss and start improving your own relationship with him or her. Step up to the plate.  Help others, even Steve or Jane.  Do outstanding work. Make suggestions for improvements and offer to implement them. Be consistently professional, pleasant, and supportive of your boss and your co-workers. 

-Don’t focus only on your own responsibilities. Look for and even ask for opportunities to take on more responsibility and to learn about other aspects of the business and office.  Of course, do this only when and if you are knocking everything on your plate out of the park and truly have the capacity to take on more and shine. 

Step Three:  When to Say Something

Now the basic mantra I’ve been repeating so far is “keep your head down, work hard, and keep your mouth shut” when dealing with the Golden Boy/Girl Syndrome, but at some point there may be an opportunity to bring up your concerns about the injustice you see, and the fact that you are being passed over for promotions and raises in favor of Steve or Jane.  There may come a point where despite your best efforts, you find your morale so low that you are on the verge of leaving or confronting the situation.   If you find yourself in this position,  there are some things to consider before you throw yourself on your sword, which is, potentially, what you’ll do when you broach this subject with your boss:

-Are you prepared to face the possible consequences of a poor outcome of this conversation?  Further rewarding of Steve or Jane at your expense or termination?  Be sure this is the hill you’re ready to die on, because you may have to despite your best efforts to be professional.

-Can you have the conversation without getting emotional?  If not, do not have it.  You should only bring this up if you are confident you can remain calm, cool, and collected through the conversation, otherwise the boss’ focus will be on your meltdown and not on what you said.

-When you have the conversation, frame it in a non-confrontational way if at all possible.  For example, instead of saying “Why did Jane get a big raise last year and this year and I did not.  If you look at her productivity and mine, you can clearly see that I am far more effective than she is, I always step up, my unit has no attrition and hers has tons, and she’s always asking others to do her work and then taking credit.”, say “As much as I hate to bring this up, I need to talk with you about something I’m having a hard time understanding.  I suspect I don’t have all the information, but I’m hoping that after talking with you, I’ll have a better understanding of what’s going on and can put my concerns aside.  I’m aware that Jane got a much larger pay raise than me in each of the last two years, and I’m feeling a little frustrated by that as I am working really hard and my evaluations are always at the top of the scale.  Can we have a conversation about this, please?”

Bottom line: Tread carefully and Be True to Yourself

As totally and incredibly aggravating as the Golden Boy/Girl Syndrome is, and justifiably so,  your primary job is to take care of yourself and your own career.  Basically, act like someone your boss would want to promote and assign more responsibility to rather than spending time and energy stewing about how screwed you are because of the Golden One.   If you really can’t tolerate the situation, you have to find a way out, or you may want to try to have a conversation with your boss, but be careful-  it may come back to bite you, and the fact is that Golden Boys and Girls exist everywhere; your better strategy may be to find a way to support yourself as a way of dealing with your frustration about them.