So I just came back from a vacation. Not one of those taking-work-with-me-call- me-if-you-need-me-here’s-my-cell-phone –number-and-I’m checking-my-email “vacations”, but a real, totally unplugged, relaxing, no work at all vacation.

Wow- it was GREAT.

And you know what? The office did not fall apart and the world did not come to an end as a result of me being out of the office and totally dark for 6 days! As a matter of fact, all the work I left and frankly did not worry about is still here ready for me to tackle afresh, which I can do now that I’m rested and refreshed.

Don’t get me wrong- this was the first real, bona fide Vacation (note the capital “v”) that I’ve taken in recent memory. Why? Well, I felt guilty about taking time off, even though others around me did it, and I felt worried that I’d “miss something” or that something major would fall through the cracks with me gone.

Several seasons of observation, however, of the people in my work and personal life whom I view as successful, balanced, and consistently effective people have taught me several things that have made me a big believer in The Vacation. Here are the highlights and what I’ve done to incorporate them into my own life- I hope they are helpful for you:

1. Work Hard, Play Hard: Not in the sense of kill yourself and then recover, but what I’ve seen is that people I really respect and admire professionally and personally are unrelenting in their ability to be effective at work, engaging in a minimum of time-wasting and a maximum of thoughtful, hard work. When they are at work, they are 100% AT WORK, not dorking around on YouTube or Facebook, going out to coffee and social lunches, or gabbing in the offices of others. This incredible and consistent effort while at work is balanced by well-deserved 100% VACATIONS. They may not happen very often, but when they do, they are complete; the vacationer is absolutely and completely out of the office. When the vacationer returns to work, he/she is refreshed, clear, and able to take back on the mantle of effective work and leadership they bore prior to the break. Their tank has been refilled, and everyone benefits.

2. Use Logic: Plan your vacation time carefully. Don’t schedule it during a major project that requires your involvement. Steer clear of typically busy times during the year, and when possible, plan to be gone during “slow times” seasons.

3. Get your House in Order: Prepare your workplace and colleagues by handing off pieces of your work while you are gone, and return the favor when they are on vacation. Forward calls to someone in your organization or leave an outgoing voice message that you’re out of the office and will follow up when you return, and where folks should call for urgent matters. Automate your e-mail with an ‘out of the office’ reply.

4. Clock Out: When on vacation, do not take work with you, check your email, answer work phone calls, or check in. The fear that something major will happen and that the office will not be able to struggle along without your wisdom is simply unfounded. Use this precious time to recharge, and do it fully. Imagine filling up a gas tank that has a hole in the bottom. Although you keep putting gas in, it never fills up because it is leaking out the whole time. Vacations are like that for your physical and emotional heath, and work intrusions are like the hole in the tank. If you spend a great day hiking in the summer sun only to come back to your cabin to deal with an hour of work email, you are simply not effectively refilling your tank.

5. Don’t Apologize: Everyone who works and works hard deserves some down time. It is yours- take it and make the most of it.

No matter how hard, complicated, or demanding your job may be, it’s critical to take the time to tune out and take a real Vacation. You will return renewed, refreshed, and ready to deal with the work you left behind and what accumulated while you were away. This investment in yourself is one of the most overlooked yet valuable tools you have to avoid career burnout, emotional fatigue, and untoward effects of stress on your physical and mental health.

Most likely, we’ve all heard or read at least the first part of  the Serenity Prayer at least once, whether religion is part of our lives or not: 

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. “

Regardless of whether organized religion is a centerpiece of your life or not, the lessons of this short prayer are powerful and fundamental.  The core message for me in this prayer is to take a deep breath and think about that challenges before you, choose your battles, and keep the “big picture” of your life in mind.  When the going gets tough for me, I remember this short prayer and reframe my thinking to align with it.  When I feel frustration and anger rising up in me at work or at home, I stop and think about what is upsetting me, whether I can change it, and if so, how.  If I cannot change it, I work to let it go gracefully, especially when it comes to issues with my co-workers or spouse.  Although I can imagine that there could be things in the “cannot change” category that might be “show-stoppers”,   I find that my tolerance for accepting things I cannot change is increasing as I age.  Part of the reason for this is that by accepting the premise of the Serenity Prayer that it’s only worth putting energy into changing things that I can change, and trying to alter things I do not control will only breed frustration. 

Over  the years, I’ve found that the fundamental message offered in the Serenity Prayer is at the core of my coaching work, whether with life coaching clients, academic clients, or corporate clients.  The basic message is that if you’re going to move forward, you have to be able to set and focus on goals, look for the path that gets you there, find the obstacles that may befall you, determine which of these you can alleviate and which ones you cannot, and once you’ve determined that, how you will proceed to affect the changes you need to to reach your goals and move past the things that you may not like, but that you cannot change.  In other words, how to do what you can, and not worry about what you cannot do. 

Paint your big picture, pick your battles, concentrate your energy on the areas in which you can affect change to realize your goals, and let the rest of the stuff go.