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So you’ve decided to strike out and do something really different and really shake things up in your life. Maybe you’re going to go
back to school, or end a bad relationship, start a business of your own, or get serious about becoming more fit. It feels good to make the decision, doesn’t it? You feel empowered and motivated and proud. You look forward to the benefits of these changes with anticipation. You are ready to make the changes real.
But….
“… maybe it would be better to just stay with things they way they are. Things really aren’t that bad, and what if things don’t go the way I want them to? You know, forget it. I’ll just go back to doing what I was doing before. I mean, what happens if I screw up? If I fail I’ll never recover.”
Ah, the lure of safety. It’s scary to make changes, and it’s totally natural to have second thoughts. It’s great to say “embrace the change and make it work for you”, but that’s easier said than done. Change, whether for better or worse, is scary and produces lots of fear. This may seem counterintuitive, that positive change is still fear-inducing, but we all know that it is. Fear is the basic emotion of not knowing what to expect and dealing with uncertainty , which is what change is all about, either by choice or by force. Change frequently triggers fear, and that fear can seriously stop your progress and keep you from realizing your dreams.
Here are some strategies for dealing with your fear of change and getting moving on your goals:
1.Take Baby Steps
Part of what is so scary about change is that when we look at it, it seems huge, amorphous, and overwhelming. “How can I tackle such a huge thing! I don’t know where to start!”. A great example of this is the person who decides to make a career change and do something totally different, but unlike their “career” something they feel passionate about. Even that passion gets thwarted by the “bigness” of the unknown of a new profession or vocation.
Breaking up the huge thing into smaller pieces is the way to deal with this and to get the fear out of the process. For example, if I’ve left my job as a software engineer for a large company and want to start my own business, that is, on its face, a huge task. If I break it down however, into steps, for example:
You get the idea. As you accomplish each step, cross it off the list and move on to the next one. Breaking such a large change into smaller pieces is great, because it’s easy to look back from time to time and see, on paper, what you’ve done to reach your goals.
2. Squash Your Inner Critic
Related to #1 above is finding ways to shut up the voice in your head that tells you that what you are doing is foolhardy, impractical, doomed to fail, and futile. It’s the voice that says things like “What on earth are you thinking- you don’t know anything about starting a business! You’re SO going to regret this decision, and before you know it, you’ll be begging for your old, crappy job back again, so just give it up.” This “negative self-talk” is really brutal, but you can stop it. Basically, you need to tell your critic they are wrong. Counter the negative thoughts with the facts that you are doing positive things. Sometimes it’s helpful to write this down so when you are feeling fearful you can look at what you wrote that is affirming (when your critic is on your back, it may be hard to come up with the supportive affirmations in that moment, but if you’ve written them down, it’s easier).
3. Figure out what you’re really afraid of and deal with it.
When you have pangs of fear about a change, sit with that emotion and look at it. What are you afraid of? Is it really that you’ll fail, or is it that you just don’t quite know your way yet? If it’s really fear of failure, ask yourself “What is the absolute worst thing that will happen?” If you’re starting a business and you have a sound plan, about the worst thing that will happen is that the business will not succeed, you’ll have lost some money and time, and you’ll need to regroup. What is not going to happen, if you’re being thoughtful and deliberate, is that you’ll end up on the street and will be doomed to a life of misery. Think through the possibilities, good, bad, and ugly, and the probabilities of each of them happening. Even if the worst thing happened, you’d survive, and by thinking through it now, you can develop a plan, which helps make it less scary. It really is true what they say about “Nothing ventured, noting gained”, so get some perspective on what the reality of “failing” may be to increase your chances of gaining. Also, remember that “failure” teaches us. Check out this blog post on that topic.
4. Get help when you need it.
Ask for help in the form of colleagues, web resources, business groups, counselors, friends, and professional coaches. All these sources can help you create a support system for yourself that will help you celebrate your successes and find constructive ways through unexpected challenges.
A fundamental part of leadership is letting the people who are on your team, at whatever level, know that they are valued. In a traditional sense, the most tangible way to do this is through annual raises and bonuses. As the season for annual bonuses arrives, it’s a good time to think about what you, as a leader, can do to recognize the people who work for you, even if you have a small, or absent, raise or bonus pool. this post focuses on some of the most simple and fundamental ways that you, as a leader, can let the people who are doing the heavy lifting know that they are appreciated. I come at this topic from the standpoint of how NOT to do things, as that is generally the path of least resistance. One reason I approach this topic in this manner is that as leaders, we are often “too busy” to attend to these aspects of human resource development, but failure to do so can have a greater cost- the loss of valuable “go-to” people who always carry the weight and end up feeling demoralized and eventually quit because of benign neglect from “too busy” bosses:
Mistake #1: Assuming that resilient people who work for you never need reinforcement. If you’re lucky, you have some “low-maintenance” people on your team. These are people who are not complainers, and tend to take on responsibility quietly as you hand it to them. Is’ easy, as a busy leader, to assume that since they do not ask for recognition or perks, that these folks do not need them to keep going. One of the most fundamental errors that “leaders” make is to not pay attention to the silent, reliable, workhorses of the organization. This lack of attention breeds resentment and demoralization in even the most initially committed person. Before you know it, these people, the workhorses of your team, are moving on, as their hard work has gone unrecognized. REMEDY: Say thank you. Tell these people you appreciate them. When raise/bonus time comes around, if you can, reward them. Do not assume that they need no reinforcement. Even the hardest working most committed employee at least needs a public “thank you” from time to time. Take the time to do it.
2. Oiling the squeaky wheels, whether they deserve oil or not: It’s easy as a leader to pay more attention to dealing with people who are complaining about how screwed they are all the time, regardless of whether this is true or not. Of course, you have a job to do, and there’s a natural tendency to work to silence the “squeaky wheels”. Before you do that, however, think strategically, not tactically- when you deal with such people, what message do you send? Are they deserving of your attention/resources/support or not? As a leader, your actions set precedent; are you comfortable following through on that?
3. Take the time to doe the cheap stuff: This is such a no-brainer, but so many people blow it- just say thank you. When people who are working for you are doing a good job, tell them so, and publicly when you can. Stop assuming that they do not need it. Even when you cannot give big raises of bonuses, letting people know you appreciate them can go a long way. Don’t assume that those who do not complain do not need reinforcement- err on the side of too much praise rather than benign neglect. If you don’t you may find yourself without some trusted, albeit stoic, lieutenants.
