So I just came back from a vacation. Not one of those taking-work-with-me-call- me-if-you-need-me-here’s-my-cell-phone –number-and-I’m checking-my-email “vacations”, but a real, totally unplugged, relaxing, no work at all vacation.

Wow- it was GREAT.

And you know what? The office did not fall apart and the world did not come to an end as a result of me being out of the office and totally dark for 6 days! As a matter of fact, all the work I left and frankly did not worry about is still here ready for me to tackle afresh, which I can do now that I’m rested and refreshed.

Don’t get me wrong- this was the first real, bona fide Vacation (note the capital “v”) that I’ve taken in recent memory. Why? Well, I felt guilty about taking time off, even though others around me did it, and I felt worried that I’d “miss something” or that something major would fall through the cracks with me gone.

Several seasons of observation, however, of the people in my work and personal life whom I view as successful, balanced, and consistently effective people have taught me several things that have made me a big believer in The Vacation. Here are the highlights and what I’ve done to incorporate them into my own life- I hope they are helpful for you:

1. Work Hard, Play Hard: Not in the sense of kill yourself and then recover, but what I’ve seen is that people I really respect and admire professionally and personally are unrelenting in their ability to be effective at work, engaging in a minimum of time-wasting and a maximum of thoughtful, hard work. When they are at work, they are 100% AT WORK, not dorking around on YouTube or Facebook, going out to coffee and social lunches, or gabbing in the offices of others. This incredible and consistent effort while at work is balanced by well-deserved 100% VACATIONS. They may not happen very often, but when they do, they are complete; the vacationer is absolutely and completely out of the office. When the vacationer returns to work, he/she is refreshed, clear, and able to take back on the mantle of effective work and leadership they bore prior to the break. Their tank has been refilled, and everyone benefits.

2. Use Logic: Plan your vacation time carefully. Don't schedule it during a major project that requires your involvement. Steer clear of typically busy times during the year, and when possible, plan to be gone during “slow times” seasons.

3. Get your House in Order: Prepare your workplace and colleagues by handing off pieces of your work while you are gone, and return the favor when they are on vacation. Forward calls to someone in your organization or leave an outgoing voice message that you're out of the office and will follow up when you return, and where folks should call for urgent matters. Automate your e-mail with an 'out of the office' reply.

4. Clock Out: When on vacation, do not take work with you, check your email, answer work phone calls, or check in. The fear that something major will happen and that the office will not be able to struggle along without your wisdom is simply unfounded. Use this precious time to recharge, and do it fully. Imagine filling up a gas tank that has a hole in the bottom. Although you keep putting gas in, it never fills up because it is leaking out the whole time. Vacations are like that for your physical and emotional heath, and work intrusions are like the hole in the tank. If you spend a great day hiking in the summer sun only to come back to your cabin to deal with an hour of work email, you are simply not effectively refilling your tank.

5. Don’t Apologize: Everyone who works and works hard deserves some down time. It is yours- take it and make the most of it.

No matter how hard, complicated, or demanding your job may be, it’s critical to take the time to tune out and take a real Vacation. You will return renewed, refreshed, and ready to deal with the work you left behind and what accumulated while you were away. This investment in yourself is one of the most overlooked yet valuable tools you have to avoid career burnout, emotional fatigue, and untoward effects of stress on your physical and mental health.

Have you ever felt as if your life is in a state of confusion? You don’t know where you are going, what you are doing, or what should be your priority. Many people are dealing with these issues on a daily basis. They do not understand themselves and their talents. They have no real goals, or they do not know how to attain goals that they have set. Life coaching can help anyone who feels that they can benefit from some assistance in finding direction in their life. What Does A Life Coach Do? A life coach will help you restructure your thinking and goals, in order to let you take charge of your own life. They can help you to take a look the direction in which you are going and decide what steps you need to take to improve your life situations. A life coach is not an instructor, telling you exactly what you have to do, but rather a mentor who can help you to determine the best paths. Among the things that most life coaches provide to their clients are: • Help with long and short-term goal setting • Assistance in dealing with personal problems • Developing strategies to reach goals • Understanding of their own needs and wants and the role they should play in their relationships • Impartial, but sympathetic, opinions and advice, when needed There may be many other benefits for each individual who chooses to use a life coach. It all depends on what you and your coach determine are your goals and desires. There is no cut-and-dried formula to the process of coaching. Everything is an individually tailored experience, designed around the client, their needs and goals, and their personality. Are You A Good Candidate For Life Coaching? Life coaching can be a positive experience for anyone who wants to make changes in their life. However, you must be at a point where you can be cooperative and ready for change. You should be able to take friendly criticism and suggestions and commit to following through with the plans that you develop with your coach. Be prepared to share those difficult personal issues and admit to your own faults and weaknesses. A life coach has no magic wand that will transform your future, however they can help you to obtain the tools needed to find the answers and solutions you are seeking for life’s problems and challenges. If you are ready to take a step forward in your life, consider a life coach. They will become an invaluable resource to you in your quest to live out your hopes and dreams. Take the initiative to partner with a coach to discover who you are, what your goals are, and how to obtain them. No matter where you are on your journey, you can always make the rest of the ride a bit smoother and more enjoyable by finding purpose and direction. Learn more: DenverLifeCoach@gmail.com

One of the most challenging parts of developing a career is climbing to the top of whatever heap you’re in, having proven yourself, taken your knocks, gone the extra mile, and impressed the right people and groups sufficiently to be vested with significant leadership and responsibility. It feels good, doesn’t it? Well, it should, but it interesting, that once that pinnacle is achieved, there’s always more to do, isn’t there? There’s that saying, “Want something done? Ask a busy person.”, and nowhere is that more true than in our jobs, especially if you’ve managed to absorb responsibilities as they’ve been handed to you, perform at a high level, and not totally lose your composure in public. So this poses a problem, of course, when even you, with seemingly endless capacity, begin to get that “Wow- I’m overcommitted” feeling. It may have taken a long time, but once it happens, it’s a little scary, as it can feel a bit out of control. When we get overcommitted at work or at home, something has to give. The worst-case scenario is when you slog along, continuing to shoulder the burdens that keep getting placed on you and smiling, taking on more and more without unloading anything, and then you drop a ball. The ball drop frequently occurs in a “perfect storm” situation, which can include any combination of variables such as increased work pressure/crisis, spousal/family illness, financial stress, personal health challenges for you or co-workers, unexpected problems that impede work progress, and problems with kids at school. Regardless of the factors contributing to the storm, however, the ball drop occurs for the same reason: there is not enough of you to go around, and the resulting lack of capacity to absorb the unexpected. Hopefully the ball you drop is a little one, but if it’s a big one, the outcome can be a mess and can not only affect you, your family, or the organization you work for, but will certainly take your self-confidence down a few notches. The best-case scenario, however, is that you decide to deal with the overcommitted feeling before the ball drop occurs. This is a hard habit to develop, especially when you’ve “made it” by being all things to all people all the time, but it’s a critical leadership passage, and one that will prolong your career as well as your mental and physical health. There are 2 basic parts in approaching this, and basically they add up to making strategic decisions about what to give away when things get to be too much. Part 1: Say No If your plate is full, admit it. You wouldn’t sit at the dinner table with a plate full of food and when someone passes you the next dish, create a mountain of a meal rather than saying “no, thank you, I have enough”, would you? Hopefully not . Think of saying no to new things in the same way. The next time someone asks to serve on a Board of Directors, politely decline. The next PhD student who approaches you to be their dissertation advisor, let them know you have too many commitments already to do the job they deserve. Admittedly, sometimes you’ll be asked to do something you really want to do, and saying no is not what you want to do. In that case, something else must go to make room for the new task. Remember the plate? Either eat the roll or take it off your plate before taking another helping of something yummy… Part 2: Give it away So if you say no to a request or opportunity or want to say yes to something new but have a full plate, step 2 is to create opportunity for someone else. This can be called delegating, but that word suggests passing responsibility down; often, you may have the chance to pass responsibility and opportunity to your peers. When someone asks you to do something and you say no, it’s best if you can offer an alternative to that person, ideally having checked with the individual you’re recommending first. If you need to unload a task or responsibility to allow yourself to take on something new, do that as well, but discuss the possibility with potential recipients of the added task before doing so. The goal here is to spread work around by giving people with capacity additional tasks, not to overload them instead of you. Clearly, the cynics in the audience (myself included) will say “Oh, yeah- well, we all know that s*** travels downhill, right?” The key here is to pass on opportunities and tasks with integrity and from your ethical core. Listen to your gut here. Although it would be great to unload the huge, complex, painful project you’re struggling with in favor of a new, shiny, simpler one, your gut will tell you that such a move is wrong. Listen to that, and do not pass the buck when it should stop with you. If you are working on the painful project and really want to try to take on the shiny one, let your manager or colleague know that you are interested, but cannot work on the new project until you have completed the current one. Also, when passing incoming tasks or opportunities to others when you cannot take them on, think about the people you work with and who could derive benefit from taking on the task and showing they can do a good job. This can be a developmental tool for you to use, and the projects or opportunities you offer to others can be presented in the frame of “Here is something that came to me that I think would be a great opportunity for you, and I know you’ll do a great job, so I wanted to offer it to you first.” Using respectful delegation and task sharing in this way can be a wonderful leadership tool, but be careful not to overload your reports or your colleagues! By being strategic about taking on more, creating options for getting the work done when you say no, and using delegation as a leadership tool, you can protect your time and make sure you stay out of the “overwhelm zone.” Remember, it is better to do some things very well than a number of things poorly.

Hopefully, most of your days at work are good ones, but from to time, you may have incredibly bad and demoralizing experiences that leave you feeling like you’ve been punched in the stomach. Some examples: 1. You’ve been working your tail off (including nights and weekends) trying to meet a goal that your boss set for you and when you go in to make the presentation of your work to her she says “Oh- didn’t I tell you? I cancelled that project last week. Sorry I didn’t get a chance to let you know.” 2. You accomplish a major goal for the office that brings in a new account. Although it was supposed to be a team effort, the co-worker who was supposed to work with you on it really didn’t do anything and your boss knows it. Your boss takes the office out to lunch to celebrate and your co-worker talks about how challenging the project was and everyone listens, rapt. You are shocked when your boss chimes in and thanks your co-worker for their hard work and does not acknowledge you at all. 3. Last year you got passed over for a raise and were told it was because the CEO told your supervisor to make sure that a co-worker of yours, a childhood friend of the CEO, was rewarded, even though they have a cushy job compared to you. Your boss promised last year to take care of you as he says you are doing a fabulous job and that no one works harder thatn you do and that it would be “your turn” next year. At your review this year, you get a modest raise and your boss again tells you that you are doing a great job, but the friend of the CEO, again, gets a raise that is twofold greater. When you ask your boss why (not an easy thing to do, and risky) he tells you that the CEO has charged him with making sure his friend is “happy” or his own job is at risk. Your boss goes on to say that he know that you get many other rewards for your hard work than money, so this should not be a be deal for you. What do you do when this happens? My fervent hope is that you will never experience this, but you may, and coming out on the other side can be challenging. There are a few of things that are important to do when this happens- first, examine if it is the experience is situational or systemic and second, figure out what you’re going to do. Step 1: Is it Situational or Systemic? When something like this happens once, it stinks, but when it happens repeatedly (#3) it’s another story. It’s entirely possible for bosses to not really be aware of how their behavior and the messages they deliver (especially in busy moments) affect the people who work for them. If it happens once or very rarely, it may be something you can live with if at other times you feel valued and enjoy your work overall. If it’s a pattern, however, it may impact your ability to feel supported at your job, increase your unhappiness if there is a seed of that in the first place, and affect your raises and advancement. In this case, you may need to think of leaving to get out of the situation. Step 2: What are You Going to Do? Depending on what you deduce in #1, you’ll need to figure out how to deal with the demoralization you’re feeling. You may want to consider talking to your boss about it, or you may want to just keep it to yourself. There are pros and cons to both. At the extreme, you may decide you need to move on. Option 1: Talk to your Boss. If you really think this is an isolated incident, you may want to talk to your boss. This can be pretty risky, and it is only worth it if in your gut, you believe your boss is a good person who does appreciate the work you do and that the incident was unintentional. If this is the case, you may want to schedule an appointment with your boss and let them know you would like to talk about a professional development matter. Note: DO NOT DO THIS IF YOU HAVE AMBIGOUS FEELINGS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR BOSS IS SUPPORTIVE OF YOU OR NOT. The conversation should go something like “I really appreciate being here and enjoy working with you and the team and overall, feel really valued, but something happened in our team meeting last week that was really upsetting to me and I wanted to make you aware of it. When you were discussing the progress of Project X, you thanked Dan for all his hard work on bringing the project home and said nothing to or about my work on that. I thought you were aware that Dan has not been pulling his weight on that project and I’ve, as a result, done the whole thing given our prior conversations. Giving the credit to Dan for my work in a public meeting was really demoralizing for me, and I do not think you intended that, so I wanted to talk with you about it.” If your boss does value you, you will likely come away from this conversation feeling much better. Option 2: Suck it Up and Soldier Through. You very well may decide not to talk to your boss directly and will just have to find a way to deal with the incident(s). This can be hard because you’re feeling really unappreciated and unvalued, but you need a job, right? Maybe you do not have options to leave, and so how do you manage this? The best defense for this is to have and build good self-esteem. Support yourself and do not allow the niggling little voices in your head that are saying “Maybe I really do suck an I deserve this crappy treatment!” to convince you and undermine your confidence. Concentrate on all the things you do well, and that you can objectively look at your CV or your resume and see all the things you’ve accomplished and all the skills you have. Concentrate on the POSITIVE. Do the same thing at work- hopefully, there are people and/or parts of your job you like even if your boss is a jerk . Concentrate on these things and do the best you can. Option 3: Leave or Prepare to be Relieved of Duty. If the treatment you’re getting is systemic, you should probably plan to leave of your own accord or be prepared to be terminated. Some bosses are so clueless that they treat you really poorly even though if someone asked them, they’d say you’re doing a good job; these are perhaps the most frustrating folks because they are totally unaware of the disconnect between what they say to and what they actually do (#3), and that this affects your morale. If you can (perhaps unlikely in this economy), leave on your own, and be cautious about using your boss as a reference as you’ve gotten really mixed messages from them; think of others in the organization who can refer you. If you anticipate being canned, do the same thing, and do it quickly. It may not feel good to be leaving a job or be asked to leave, but to soften the blow, spend some time reflecting on how the demoralization has affected you. For many people it not only translates into feeling down and becoming less effective at work, but also manifests in other ways that affect home and personal life. Examples include sleep disruption, crabbiness, depressive symptoms, increased alcohol use, and other things that reduce overall quality of life. If you have to stay at a job, be sure to take care of yourself and get help insulating your mind and body from the stress of a bad work environment (you may want to get some support in how to do this), and if you can or have leave, concentrate on how moving on will result in a better situation for you at work and personally even though the change may be difficult; you will end up in a better place.