So I just came back from a vacation. Not one of those taking-work-with-me-call- me-if-you-need-me-here’s-my-cell-phone –number-and-I’m checking-my-email “vacations”, but a real, totally unplugged, relaxing, no work at all vacation.

Wow- it was GREAT.

And you know what? The office did not fall apart and the world did not come to an end as a result of me being out of the office and totally dark for 6 days! As a matter of fact, all the work I left and frankly did not worry about is still here ready for me to tackle afresh, which I can do now that I’m rested and refreshed.

Don’t get me wrong- this was the first real, bona fide Vacation (note the capital “v”) that I’ve taken in recent memory. Why? Well, I felt guilty about taking time off, even though others around me did it, and I felt worried that I’d “miss something” or that something major would fall through the cracks with me gone.

Several seasons of observation, however, of the people in my work and personal life whom I view as successful, balanced, and consistently effective people have taught me several things that have made me a big believer in The Vacation. Here are the highlights and what I’ve done to incorporate them into my own life- I hope they are helpful for you:

1. Work Hard, Play Hard: Not in the sense of kill yourself and then recover, but what I’ve seen is that people I really respect and admire professionally and personally are unrelenting in their ability to be effective at work, engaging in a minimum of time-wasting and a maximum of thoughtful, hard work. When they are at work, they are 100% AT WORK, not dorking around on YouTube or Facebook, going out to coffee and social lunches, or gabbing in the offices of others. This incredible and consistent effort while at work is balanced by well-deserved 100% VACATIONS. They may not happen very often, but when they do, they are complete; the vacationer is absolutely and completely out of the office. When the vacationer returns to work, he/she is refreshed, clear, and able to take back on the mantle of effective work and leadership they bore prior to the break. Their tank has been refilled, and everyone benefits.

2. Use Logic: Plan your vacation time carefully. Don't schedule it during a major project that requires your involvement. Steer clear of typically busy times during the year, and when possible, plan to be gone during “slow times” seasons.

3. Get your House in Order: Prepare your workplace and colleagues by handing off pieces of your work while you are gone, and return the favor when they are on vacation. Forward calls to someone in your organization or leave an outgoing voice message that you're out of the office and will follow up when you return, and where folks should call for urgent matters. Automate your e-mail with an 'out of the office' reply.

4. Clock Out: When on vacation, do not take work with you, check your email, answer work phone calls, or check in. The fear that something major will happen and that the office will not be able to struggle along without your wisdom is simply unfounded. Use this precious time to recharge, and do it fully. Imagine filling up a gas tank that has a hole in the bottom. Although you keep putting gas in, it never fills up because it is leaking out the whole time. Vacations are like that for your physical and emotional heath, and work intrusions are like the hole in the tank. If you spend a great day hiking in the summer sun only to come back to your cabin to deal with an hour of work email, you are simply not effectively refilling your tank.

5. Don’t Apologize: Everyone who works and works hard deserves some down time. It is yours- take it and make the most of it.

No matter how hard, complicated, or demanding your job may be, it’s critical to take the time to tune out and take a real Vacation. You will return renewed, refreshed, and ready to deal with the work you left behind and what accumulated while you were away. This investment in yourself is one of the most overlooked yet valuable tools you have to avoid career burnout, emotional fatigue, and untoward effects of stress on your physical and mental health.

One of the most challenging parts of developing a career is climbing to the top of whatever heap you’re in, having proven yourself, taken your knocks, gone the extra mile, and impressed the right people and groups sufficiently to be vested with significant leadership and responsibility. It feels good, doesn’t it? Well, it should, but it interesting, that once that pinnacle is achieved, there’s always more to do, isn’t there? There’s that saying, “Want something done? Ask a busy person.”, and nowhere is that more true than in our jobs, especially if you’ve managed to absorb responsibilities as they’ve been handed to you, perform at a high level, and not totally lose your composure in public. So this poses a problem, of course, when even you, with seemingly endless capacity, begin to get that “Wow- I’m overcommitted” feeling. It may have taken a long time, but once it happens, it’s a little scary, as it can feel a bit out of control. When we get overcommitted at work or at home, something has to give. The worst-case scenario is when you slog along, continuing to shoulder the burdens that keep getting placed on you and smiling, taking on more and more without unloading anything, and then you drop a ball. The ball drop frequently occurs in a “perfect storm” situation, which can include any combination of variables such as increased work pressure/crisis, spousal/family illness, financial stress, personal health challenges for you or co-workers, unexpected problems that impede work progress, and problems with kids at school. Regardless of the factors contributing to the storm, however, the ball drop occurs for the same reason: there is not enough of you to go around, and the resulting lack of capacity to absorb the unexpected. Hopefully the ball you drop is a little one, but if it’s a big one, the outcome can be a mess and can not only affect you, your family, or the organization you work for, but will certainly take your self-confidence down a few notches. The best-case scenario, however, is that you decide to deal with the overcommitted feeling before the ball drop occurs. This is a hard habit to develop, especially when you’ve “made it” by being all things to all people all the time, but it’s a critical leadership passage, and one that will prolong your career as well as your mental and physical health. There are 2 basic parts in approaching this, and basically they add up to making strategic decisions about what to give away when things get to be too much. Part 1: Say No If your plate is full, admit it. You wouldn’t sit at the dinner table with a plate full of food and when someone passes you the next dish, create a mountain of a meal rather than saying “no, thank you, I have enough”, would you? Hopefully not . Think of saying no to new things in the same way. The next time someone asks to serve on a Board of Directors, politely decline. The next PhD student who approaches you to be their dissertation advisor, let them know you have too many commitments already to do the job they deserve. Admittedly, sometimes you’ll be asked to do something you really want to do, and saying no is not what you want to do. In that case, something else must go to make room for the new task. Remember the plate? Either eat the roll or take it off your plate before taking another helping of something yummy… Part 2: Give it away So if you say no to a request or opportunity or want to say yes to something new but have a full plate, step 2 is to create opportunity for someone else. This can be called delegating, but that word suggests passing responsibility down; often, you may have the chance to pass responsibility and opportunity to your peers. When someone asks you to do something and you say no, it’s best if you can offer an alternative to that person, ideally having checked with the individual you’re recommending first. If you need to unload a task or responsibility to allow yourself to take on something new, do that as well, but discuss the possibility with potential recipients of the added task before doing so. The goal here is to spread work around by giving people with capacity additional tasks, not to overload them instead of you. Clearly, the cynics in the audience (myself included) will say “Oh, yeah- well, we all know that s*** travels downhill, right?” The key here is to pass on opportunities and tasks with integrity and from your ethical core. Listen to your gut here. Although it would be great to unload the huge, complex, painful project you’re struggling with in favor of a new, shiny, simpler one, your gut will tell you that such a move is wrong. Listen to that, and do not pass the buck when it should stop with you. If you are working on the painful project and really want to try to take on the shiny one, let your manager or colleague know that you are interested, but cannot work on the new project until you have completed the current one. Also, when passing incoming tasks or opportunities to others when you cannot take them on, think about the people you work with and who could derive benefit from taking on the task and showing they can do a good job. This can be a developmental tool for you to use, and the projects or opportunities you offer to others can be presented in the frame of “Here is something that came to me that I think would be a great opportunity for you, and I know you’ll do a great job, so I wanted to offer it to you first.” Using respectful delegation and task sharing in this way can be a wonderful leadership tool, but be careful not to overload your reports or your colleagues! By being strategic about taking on more, creating options for getting the work done when you say no, and using delegation as a leadership tool, you can protect your time and make sure you stay out of the “overwhelm zone.” Remember, it is better to do some things very well than a number of things poorly.

It’s a New Year.  What will 2010 bring for you personally and professionally?  At this time of year, we tend to think of making big changes in our lives and “fixing” the things that were unsatisfying about the previous year (or years), and these tend changes frequently take the form of “resolutions”.  New Year’s Resolutions are often large, well-intentioned, sweeping statements for change, that are, frankly for most of us mere mortals, impossible to keep for a variety of reasons.  For example, “Lose Weight” and “Quit Smoking” are 2 common resolutions which, although admirable goals for anyone, are certainly easier said than done.  This is not news to any of us, of course, as reflected in a  recent survey that indicated that 33% of Americans expect to have given up on their resolutions within a month, and fully 75% anticipate their best-laid plans heading down the drain by March of the New Year.  Why does this happen, and given that it does, why do we continue, as intelligent people, to make New Year’s Resolutions over and over again?  Clearly, it’s because we are seeking to better ourselves, improve quality of life for ourselves and for those around us, and are motivated to improve and change for the better.  So what’s the trick here?  How can the cycle of Resolution Failure be broken? 

 

A resolution, according to the Mirriam-Webster dictionary is, among other things, “the act of analyzing a complex notion into simpler ones.”  This definition is terrifically empowering, and can change Resolution Failure into Resolution Realization when carefully considered and applied.  At the core of this definition is the fact that most things we want to change are hard to change and take many steps.  For example, I am one of those “lose weight” resolvers every year, and happily, the application of this definition has helped me change an upward trend to a downward one over the last couple of years.  The key change in my thinking came when I applied this definition to my goal of losing weight and becoming healthier by resolving, not to just “lose weight” but to implement small, do-able changes through the years that will be sustainable and eventually get me to my goal.  For example, last year, I started wearing a pedometer, which has helped me increase my daily activity quite a bit and supported ongoing modest weight loss.  Thus, the resolution was not “Lose Weight”, but “Wear my Pedometer” which is, frankly, way easier, and still supports the larger goal.  So what’s the take-home message here?  Well, don’t give up on positive change, but re-frame it so at the end of 2010, it’s an accomplishment, not a failure.  Set smaller, achievable goals that you can readily implement and stick to, and before you know it, you’ll be on the road to making your larger goal a reality.  The January issue of my free eZine will address this in more detail.  Happy 2009, and be good to yourself this year!!

 

 

 

So you’ve decided to strike out and do something really different and really shake things up in your life.  Maybe you’re going to go back to school, or end a bad relationship, start a business of your own, or get serious about becoming more fit.  It feels good to make the decision, doesn’t it?  You feel empowered and motivated and proud.  You look forward to the benefits of these changes with anticipation.  You are ready to make the changes real.   But….  “… maybe it would be better to just stay with things they way they are.  Things really aren’t that bad, and what if things don’t go the way I want them to?  You know, forget it.  I’ll just go back to doing what I was doing before.  I mean, what happens if I screw up?  If I fail I’ll never recover.”  Ah, the lure of safety.  It’s scary to make changes, and it’s totally natural to have second thoughts.  It’s great to say “embrace the change and make it work for you”, but that’s easier said than done.  Change, whether for better or worse, is scary and produces lots of fear.  This may seem counterintuitive, that positive change is still fear-inducing, but we all know that it is.  Fear is the basic emotion of not knowing what to expect and dealing with uncertainty , which is what change is all about, either by choice or by force.  Change frequently triggers fear, and that fear can seriously stop your progress and keep you from realizing your dreams.   Here are some strategies for dealing with your fear of change and getting moving on your goals:  1.Take Baby Steps  Part of what is so scary about change is that when we look at it, it seems huge, amorphous, and overwhelming.  “How can I tackle such a huge thing!  I don’t know where to start!”.  A great example of this is the person who decides to make a career change and do something totally different, but unlike their “career” something they feel passionate about.  Even that passion gets thwarted by the “bigness” of the unknown of a new profession or vocation.   Breaking up the huge thing into smaller pieces is the way to deal with this and to get the fear out of the process.  For example, if I’ve left my job as a software engineer for a large company and want to start my own business, that is, on its face, a huge task.  If I break it down however, into steps, for example:  

1.  Brainstorm ideas for focus of business
2. Research other businesses doing similar things and hone my idea
3. Write down the mission, vision, and values of my business
4. Develop a business plan
5. Examine the plan for places I need help
6. Ask for help and revise the plan
7. Develop timelines for aspects of the plan
8. Determine which aspect I need to accomplish first and begin to execute the steps on my timeline for that.
9. Etc…

You get the idea.  As you accomplish each step, cross it off the list and move on to the next one.  Breaking such a large change into smaller pieces is great, because it’s easy to look back from time to time and see, on paper, what you’ve done to reach your goals.  2.  Squash Your Inner Critic  Related to #1 above is finding ways to shut up the voice in your head that tells you that what you are doing is foolhardy, impractical, doomed to fail, and futile.  It’s the voice that says things like “What on earth are you thinking-  you don’t know anything about starting a business!  You’re SO going to regret this decision, and before you know it, you’ll be begging for your old, crappy job back again, so just give it up.”  This “negative self-talk” is really brutal, but you can stop it.  Basically, you need to tell your critic they are wrong.  Counter the negative thoughts with the facts that you are doing positive things.  Sometimes it’s helpful to write this down so when you are feeling fearful you can look at what you wrote that is affirming (when your critic is on your back, it may be hard to come up with the supportive affirmations in that moment, but if you’ve written them down, it’s easier).   3.  Figure out what you’re really afraid of and deal with it.  When you have pangs of fear about a change, sit with that emotion and look at it.  What are you afraid of?  Is it really that you’ll fail, or is it that you just don’t quite know your way yet?  If it’s really fear of failure, ask yourself “What is the absolute worst thing that will happen?”  If you’re starting a business and you have a sound plan, about the worst thing that will happen is that the business will not succeed, you’ll have lost some money and time, and you’ll need to regroup.  What is not going to happen, if you’re being  thoughtful and deliberate, is that you’ll end up on the street and will be doomed to a life of misery.  Think through the possibilities, good, bad, and ugly, and the probabilities of each of them happening.  Even if the worst thing happened, you’d survive, and by thinking through it now, you can develop a plan, which helps make it less scary.  It really is true what they say about “Nothing ventured, noting gained”, so get some perspective on what the reality of “failing” may be to increase your chances of gaining.  Also, remember that “failure” teaches us.  Check out this blog post on that topic.   4.  Get help when you need it.  Ask for help in the form of colleagues, web resources, business groups, counselors, friends, and professional coaches.  All these sources can help you create a support system for yourself that will help you celebrate your successes and find constructive ways through unexpected challenges.