Powerful Mind Coaching, LLC » work/life balance

Secret Accountability Weapon: The Clean Eating Bracelet

Mary — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 12:52:52 +0000

One of the hardest things for me in balancing my life is committing to and sticking with exercising and eating better. I’ve made a vow to myself to clean up my eating and to get regular physical exercise, and most of the time, I do pretty well at both. But it’s so easy to get up in the morning and say “Oh, I know I’m supposed to work out today, but I’ve got tons to do at work, so I really just need to get to it.” or “I’m in such a hurry this morning that I just don’t have time to eat a healthy breakfast- I’ll just skip it or grab a McGriddle on my way to work.” Of course, sometimes life will intervene and you really do need to adjust your day, but when you do, be conscious that ever decision has consequences. For example, if you don’t eat breakfast, you’re likely to be way hungrier at lunch and may make even worse food choices than a McGriddle (it is possible to do that ). Similarly, if you choose not to exercise, your energy level may be lower through the day and you may find yourself with a shorter temper.

It’s true that if making these exceptions truly is exceptional, then it’s no big deal. However, any time we do something and do it more than once, it has the potential to become a habit, good or bad. Maybe this has only happened to me, but if I get that McGriddle on the way to work, at lunch, I figure “Oh well, I’ve already blown it for today, so I’ll go ahead and have those onion rings at lunch.” Suddenly, an exception has become 2, and so the slippery slope forms.

How do you keep this from happening? Of course it will once in a while, but keeping your goals in mind, whether fitness or not, is really essential. Even if you skip working out, for example, decide that you’ll take a walk at lunch or take the stairs all day at work to inject a little physical activity back into your day. Likewise, if you eat junk for breakfast, recommit to eating clean for lunch, and hold yourself to it. The point is not to let a slip or misstep slide into the territory of moving from a simple exception to a habit, but to bring yourself back to what you said you were going to do for yourself.

This is, of course, easier said than done, so it may be worthwhile to see if you can find little tricks to help you stay focused on your goals, and hopefully, shy away from making that first exception on most occasions. I was having a particularly hard time sticking to eating clean, and found myself frequently making exceptions to my plan of eating unprocessed, healthy foods as a matter of course.

I needed some help remembering my commitment when the time came to make a food choice and to be mindful enough of that commitment all day to stick to my guns. To help me do this, I made a bracelet for myself that I wear every day that helps me track portions of the clean foods I want to eat (carbs, proteins, fruits, and veggies) and serves as a powerful reminder that I want to eat clean. I wear it on my wrist and when I look at a menu or reach for food or drink, I see the bracelet and it reminds me to think before I eat. This has been so helpful to me that I shared it with my friends and have made this bracelet available for sale. Check it out if eating clean is a goal for you and you’d like some affordable support in developing the habit of clean eating: http://CleanEatingBracelet.com.

Whether it’s clean eating, exercising, or some other goal you have, take the time to stop and think about the consequences, even if they’re small, of that choice. When you make a choice that deviates from your plans, don’t beat yourself up, but get back on track. Remember that the goals you’ve set are for yourself, and honor yourself by meeting them!

The Value of REAL Vacations

Mary — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 20:50:29 +0000

So I just came back from a vacation. Not one of those taking-work-with-me-call- me-if-you-need-me-here’s-my-cell-phone –number-and-I’m checking-my-email “vacations”, but a real, totally unplugged, relaxing, no work at all vacation.

Wow- it was GREAT.

And you know what? The office did not fall apart and the world did not come to an end as a result of me being out of the office and totally dark for 6 days! As a matter of fact, all the work I left and frankly did not worry about is still here ready for me to tackle afresh, which I can do now that I’m rested and refreshed.

Don’t get me wrong- this was the first real, bona fide Vacation (note the capital “v”) that I’ve taken in recent memory. Why? Well, I felt guilty about taking time off, even though others around me did it, and I felt worried that I’d “miss something” or that something major would fall through the cracks with me gone.

Several seasons of observation, however, of the people in my work and personal life whom I view as successful, balanced, and consistently effective people have taught me several things that have made me a big believer in The Vacation. Here are the highlights and what I’ve done to incorporate them into my own life- I hope they are helpful for you:

1. Work Hard, Play Hard: Not in the sense of kill yourself and then recover, but what I’ve seen is that people I really respect and admire professionally and personally are unrelenting in their ability to be effective at work, engaging in a minimum of time-wasting and a maximum of thoughtful, hard work. When they are at work, they are 100% AT WORK, not dorking around on YouTube or Facebook, going out to coffee and social lunches, or gabbing in the offices of others. This incredible and consistent effort while at work is balanced by well-deserved 100% VACATIONS. They may not happen very often, but when they do, they are complete; the vacationer is absolutely and completely out of the office. When the vacationer returns to work, he/she is refreshed, clear, and able to take back on the mantle of effective work and leadership they bore prior to the break. Their tank has been refilled, and everyone benefits.

2. Use Logic: Plan your vacation time carefully. Don't schedule it during a major project that requires your involvement. Steer clear of typically busy times during the year, and when possible, plan to be gone during “slow times” seasons.

3. Get your House in Order: Prepare your workplace and colleagues by handing off pieces of your work while you are gone, and return the favor when they are on vacation. Forward calls to someone in your organization or leave an outgoing voice message that you're out of the office and will follow up when you return, and where folks should call for urgent matters. Automate your e-mail with an 'out of the office' reply.

4. Clock Out: When on vacation, do not take work with you, check your email, answer work phone calls, or check in. The fear that something major will happen and that the office will not be able to struggle along without your wisdom is simply unfounded. Use this precious time to recharge, and do it fully. Imagine filling up a gas tank that has a hole in the bottom. Although you keep putting gas in, it never fills up because it is leaking out the whole time. Vacations are like that for your physical and emotional heath, and work intrusions are like the hole in the tank. If you spend a great day hiking in the summer sun only to come back to your cabin to deal with an hour of work email, you are simply not effectively refilling your tank.

5. Don’t Apologize: Everyone who works and works hard deserves some down time. It is yours- take it and make the most of it.

No matter how hard, complicated, or demanding your job may be, it’s critical to take the time to tune out and take a real Vacation. You will return renewed, refreshed, and ready to deal with the work you left behind and what accumulated while you were away. This investment in yourself is one of the most overlooked yet valuable tools you have to avoid career burnout, emotional fatigue, and untoward effects of stress on your physical and mental health.

Is Getting Fit or Losing Weight on your “to do” list?

Mary — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 13:46:50 +0000

Many of us have either stopped a diet or fitness program or never started one for reasons like:

        "I'm so busy doing other things for other people at home and work that I just don't have time to do this too."

Or maybe its:

      "If I take the time to prioritize my fitness I won't be able to do all the other things I'm doing."

One way or the other, there seem to be a bunch of reasons why fitness and diet fall by the wayside. We decide that work, or hobbies, or groups we belong to, or family are so demanding and take up so much of our time that we have to drop our plans to eat well and/or exercise in favor of all the other stuff we have to do.

Unfortunately, when we do that, we often enter a negative spiral of some combination of:

1. Feeling resentful that we "don't have any time for me"
2. Feeling stressed out and having no way to diffuse that
3. Lacking energy and focus
4.  Feeling physically out of shape or weaker that we'd like
5.  Gaining weight and feeling awful about it
6.  Increasing risk for health problems associated with weight, being sedentary, or poor eating habits

Once these things start to creep in we tend to spiral further into them, feeling worse and feeling worse about ourselves. This then translates into the very people we are "serving" or working with at work or home noticing that our demeanor is not so pleasant, that we "look tired", or, my personal favorite, "look like Hell" (yes my previous boss said this to me).  It can also affect how well we do our tasks or jobs- we may become less effective or more error-prone. In any event, the end result of all our sacrificing our own care to care for others has the unintended consequence of impairing our ability to meet the demands before us. It sucks, and it does not have to be this way.

I can say this because I know this all too well- it's one of the reasons I'm where I am today.    Before I took a job at my university as an Associate Dean 3 years ago in a tumultuous college with a rotating door for Deans and huge budget challenges, I had been battling my weight for years and years. I was not in great shape but I was in control and reasonably active. Then, as the demands of the job increased and increased and my demands at home did the same thing as my husband struggled with his career and felt the impact of the failing economy, I totally gave up my fitness program and any semblance of healthy eating. I wasn't getting ice cream or cheeseburgers every day, but I was overeating and drinking more than usual to compensate for the stress. My sleep became disrupted and I pretty much never worked out. By the end of the job (I finally resigned at the end of 2009), I'd gained more than 20 pounds and felt weak, flabby, and demoralized. The real bummer was that all those bad feelings bled over to my family, whom I'd been trying to support through all my "sacrifices". Talk about adding insult to injury.

So after I got my sea legs back from that job I had an epiphany. I'm a life coach in addition to being a professor, and I'm always telling clients to define and set priorities and put in the time and energy necessary to make them happen- why on earth had dI not done this with my fitness???? DOH.

So I've done this, and it's not all that bad. I still work a stressful job at the University, but it's not as bad as it was, and I'm plenty busy in my coaching businesses and with my awesome family, but I've prioritized two simple things for myself that are non-negotiable:

1. 1 hour per day of exercise (Beachbody videos, walking, elliptical, stationary bike, yoga)
2. Mindful eating (skipping sugar, lots of fruits and veggies, no fried stuff, less wine, less cheese, watching portion sizes) with one "cheat meal" per week if I want it (which I often don't now).

Really, this is 1-2 hours a day of effort at the outside- this is no more time than I was spending watching TV, goofing around on the internet, tweeting, and facebooking. I still have time to do all that, but just not as much. The best part? Not only have I already lost 15+ pounds and 2 pant sizes, but my family is glad to have my (generally) cheery demeanor back and I feel strong and healthy again. I still have more weight to loose to get to my goal, but it will happen this time. I am a priority at last, and that means that I can take better care of others in my life as well.

The things that have made this possible are not only my decision to invest some time every day in taking care of my physical and mental health, but finding fitness support and solutions that make sense for my life. Beachbody home fitness videos have made the difference for me, as has the support of the BB community and my coach. I can help you make these same changes for free in a way that fits with your life. Click for Free Fitness Coaching and select "free membership" to start your diet and fitness coaching with me, DrMary.  You can also email me at DenverLifeCoach@gmail.com to get started. If I can do this, anyone can, and I can help you make it happen too.

Stress and Your Health: The Real Story

Mary — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 12:36:43 +0000

This time of year I get lots of folks thinking about how to control stress in this New Year. Part of this conversation always involves discussiding the myths and realities of what stress does to our bodies and our health, and what we can do to alleviate those effects. Here are the basics of that conversation: What is Stress? Stress is often defined as events, situations, emotions, and interactions which are perceived as negatively affecting your well being. What are some common causes of stress? Stress can be brought about by a traumatic accident, death, or emergency situation. Stress can also be a side effect of a serious illness or disease. Stress can also arise from positive things. There is also stress associated with daily life, the workplace, and family responsibilities. What are some early signs of stress? Stress can take on many different forms, and can contribute to symptoms of illness. Common symptoms include headache, sleep disorders, difficulty concentrating, short-temper, upset stomach, job dissatisfaction, low morale, depression, and anxiety. How do our bodies respond to stress? In response to stress, our bodies undergo a cascade of physiological events which help us cope with the stressful situation. Perception of a stress activates the sympathetic nervous system (SNS), a process known as the “fight or flight” response, which mobilizes energy to help us respond to the stress. For example, activation of the SNS diverts blood flow away form the stomach and digestion to the heart and lungs to prepare for a possible need to run away form a threat. Stress also increases release of cortisol from our adrenal glands, which further contributes to redirecting energy toward dealing with stress and away from other bodily functions. At the conclusion of the stress, all these reactions are reduced to normal levels, and the body quickly returns to its state or balance, or “homeostasis”. This is a normal pattern of stress responsivity and recovery, and when this happens, we remain healthy in our minds and bodies and, importantly, ready to respond to the inevitable stresses that will come our way. When is stress a problem? Well, note that a critical part of the “stress cycle” described above is the stressful situation ending, and the body recovering. When stress does not end, or when stresses come rapidly and for a long time, one after another, the body does not have time to recover, and the stress becomes chronic. Chronic stress prolongs activation of the SNS and the cortisol response. This extended activity of the physiological stress response that these systems has been shown to have serious detrimental effects on mental and physical health, and this is where stress management and coaching for stress reduction can be really helpful. Research shows that stress can affect mental and physical health: • Exams reduce immune cell function and ability to fend of a cold • Caring for an ill spouse reduces function of our immune systems • Stressful events are associated with increased incidence of colds and infections • Chronic stress is associated with development of depression and anxiety • Long-term stress contributes to heart disease and high blood pressure • Stress can make it harder to get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy; stress is associated with prematurity • Psychological stress associated with increased cold susceptibility and duration So what can we do to avoid stress effects on our health? Of course, it’s impossible to completely eliminate stress from your life, but you can make decisions that control your stress level and help you control the effects of stress on your health. At the core of stress management are things like following a healthy diet, getting regular exercise, and making time for uninterrupted relaxation, even if it’s just a few minutes a day. Happily, research has shown that people, even those living busy and stressful lives, can avoid many of the negative effects of stress when they implement and stick to stress-management techniques. So, the good news is that with a little planning and some support, stress does not have to create problems for your health- you can anticipate stress, build in support, and take care of your mind and body, even in a stressful world!

New Year’s Resolutions: Make it Real in 2010

Mary — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 13:09:47 +0000

It’s a New Year. What will 2010 bring for you personally and professionally? At this time of year, we tend to think of making big changes in our lives and “fixing” the things that were unsatisfying about the previous year (or years), and these tend changes frequently take the form of “resolutions”. New Year’s Resolutions are often large, well-intentioned, sweeping statements for change, that are, frankly for most of us mere mortals, impossible to keep for a variety of reasons. For example, “Lose Weight” and “Quit Smoking” are 2 common resolutions which, although admirable goals for anyone, are certainly easier said than done. This is not news to any of us, of course, as reflected in a recent survey that indicated that 33% of Americans expect to have given up on their resolutions within a month, and fully 75% anticipate their best-laid plans heading down the drain by March of the New Year. Why does this happen, and given that it does, why do we continue, as intelligent people, to make New Year’s Resolutions over and over again? Clearly, it’s because we are seeking to better ourselves, improve quality of life for ourselves and for those around us, and are motivated to improve and change for the better. So what’s the trick here? How can the cycle of Resolution Failure be broken?

A resolution, according to the Mirriam-Webster dictionary is, among other things, “the act of analyzing a complex notion into simpler ones.” This definition is terrifically empowering, and can change Resolution Failure into Resolution Realization when carefully considered and applied. At the core of this definition is the fact that most things we want to change are hard to change and take many steps. For example, I am one of those “lose weight” resolvers every year, and happily, the application of this definition has helped me change an upward trend to a downward one over the last couple of years. The key change in my thinking came when I applied this definition to my goal of losing weight and becoming healthier by resolving, not to just “lose weight” but to implement small, do-able changes through the years that will be sustainable and eventually get me to my goal. For example, last year, I started wearing a pedometer, which has helped me increase my daily activity quite a bit and supported ongoing modest weight loss. Thus, the resolution was not “Lose Weight”, but “Wear my Pedometer” which is, frankly, way easier, and still supports the larger goal. So what’s the take-home message here? Well, don’t give up on positive change, but re-frame it so at the end of 2010, it’s an accomplishment, not a failure. Set smaller, achievable goals that you can readily implement and stick to, and before you know it, you’ll be on the road to making your larger goal a reality. The January issue of my free eZine will address this in more detail. Happy 2009, and be good to yourself this year!!

Snow Day Stress Reduction

Mary — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:50:20 +0000

Well, it's a snowy, snowy, snowy day here in Denver. I'm working from home writing grants and post-tenure-review letters and listening to my gleeful children run around the house like maniacs. Snow days are great, aren't they? Especially when you're a kid and free to good off all day instead of going to school. They're great, of course, if you're a kid- somewhat less great if you're a parent trying to work from home on such a day and actually finish tasks that you need to get done. The last thing I or any parent wants to do is rain (or snow) on the kid utopia that is a snow-day. Demanding that they be quiet as mice so I can work is not fair, and although they are respectfully trying to keep it down to a dull roar, it's not enough to give me the headspace I need to get all the stuff done I need to. How to resolve this conflict without stressing my whole family out? Here are some solutions. They've helped us have many a great and productive snow day and not stress out so much that the memories of those days, like today, are unpleasant ones. 1. Set a few simple groundrules. My kids know that after breakfast, I am up working in my office and they are on their own, barring disasters, until lunchtime. This works because my kids are old enough to entertain themselves and know not to start fires. This buys me a good block of time in which I can get some serious work done without interruption. They know, of course, that if someone is hurt or sick, they can come get me. What they do not bother me with is sibling bickering and grousing. 2. Create a sound barrier. This is not a problem for everyone, but I really have a hard time concentrating and getting work done if there is a lot of changing ambient noise, such as kids and dogs playing together, even pretty quietly. As such, I use internet radio and a good set of noise-cancelling headphones to ensconce myself sufficiently to get my work done, yet I am still easily interrupted for emergencies. One great internet radio service is 365Live.com, which offers TONS of selections of different types of music for free. For a few bucks, you can pay to skip the commercials. It is really quite wonderful for background working music if you like that. Here's what I'm listening to now: 3. Make time for a little fun. It's hardly fair for Mom to spend her whole day with her nose to the grindstone when the kids are having a blast in the snow. I make plans to take a couple of breaks during the day, one to make and have lunch with my kids, usually watching a movie, and another at some point to just hang out with them for an hour or so. Not only do these breaks give me some fun "snow-day" memories, but they help me be more effective in my work. The cognitive break from work always puts me back at my desk rejuvenated and able to work more efficiently. I hope these tips are helpful. Stay warm and have a great, productive, and memorable snow day!!

“Failure” is your Friend

Mary — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 21:04:18 +0000

I remember my first major grant rejection (long time ago, and many since then). I had led a blessed life in that regard; every grant I’d written had been funded and I expected this one to be no different. When I opened the envelope, however, and read the notice that I had not been funded, I was stunned. I cried. I smoked (having quit months before). I kicked my trashcan so hard it put a dent in my office wall. I was demoralized and felt like a failure. However, when the tears dried and I un-crumpled my trashcan, I read the reviews, and they were actually really helpful. They pointed out some important stuff that I used to re-write the grant, which also was not funded, but on the 3rd try (the old days) it was funded. I learned that the “failure” was an opportunity to do better and that I had to reframe it as such. I learned to actually look forward (sort of) to failure, and that it can ultimately get me I want to go. “There is no such thing as failure.” When you read the quote above, what’s your reaction? Do you think it’s untrue? Silly glass-half-empty stuff? What if I told you that only you have the power to decide whether or not something is indeed, a “failure?” Obviously, I believe this is true as evidenced in the above vignette. In fact, I’ve come to believe that the word “failure” has no place in our vocabulary. Why? Remember when you played the “opposite day” game when you were a kid? You’d play practical jokes on your family and friends and release some passive aggression in the process of claiming “opposite day.” It was great—you could call the cutest boy in the class “ugly,” and then take it all back by simply exclaiming “opposite day!” But, the end result is the same; you still would have acknowledged his cuteness. Well, let’s play the game. What if today, failure really means success? How can you acknowledge your success, even as you utter the word “failure”? Well, you can point out: a. everything that was learned in the process of getting to where you are now—surely not everything goes to the scrap heap b. that simply being able to recognize everything hadn’t gone according to plan, or achieved the desired outcome (i.e. “failed”), is in itself a positive outcome c. that the specific path you took this go round, clearly wasn’t the right one and so it has successfully been eliminated and will not be repeated d. that you’ll know to do things differently in the future e. that the experience has enabled you to grow in some way “Failure” is feedback. “Failure” can simply be a great way to get us to pause in the midst of our process, and get some critical information to indicate that we may need to change direction, try something new, continue our learning, or shift our focus. Imagine what would happen if we didn’t get that feedback, and continued endlessly along the wrong path, toward the wrong goal, or without ever learning a new approach? The thought is pretty scary, isn’t it? Failure then, can really be seen as positive feedback—information that gets us on the right track. For, without it, we would surely be lost. The key then, is to identify it quickly, and change direction, try something new, or shift our focus. Here are some tips:  Always have a clear idea of where you want to go and continue to re-evaluate it as you move forward  Identify specific milestones or markers along the way, to let you know you’re on the right track and celebrate each success  If something doesn’t appear to be working, or working fast enough, don’t hesitate to try something new  Continually learn—from others with whom you work, seek out experts, find others who may have traveled down a similar road before And always remember: “You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down” “You NEVER fail until you stop trying” “If you are not making any mistakes, you’re not really doing anything with your life”

Keeping Weekends Sacred: The Secret to a Happy Monday

Mary — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 19:33:50 +0000

Ah- its the WEEKEND!!! A time to relax, do the things you want to do, and NOT WORK. I know this is hard, but I am a convert to the “not working on the weekends” crowd. I used to spend weekends interspersing checking and answering emails and trying to get “caught up” with family time and so-called relaxing. What I learned was that on Monday morning I was neither “caught up” nor “relaxed”. In fact, I was often more frazzled than when I walked in the door on Friday evening, so I changed some things, and I, my work, and my family are far better off for it. First, the things I’ve learned: • The work will still be there on Monday. It’s not as if not working on the weekend will somehow remove your opportunity to pick up where you left off on Friday. • “Caught up” is a myth. There is always something else I can do, and what I do is meet deadlines through careful planning, not through working on the weekends. • There are no true emergencies in my job. I am not a firefighter, physician, or hostage negotiator. Honestly, nothing is truly an emergency. • I will not be on my deathbed saying “I wish I’d spent more time in the lab/office.” Getting to the age where more and more of my friends are dying or becoming ill has been a real wake-up call for spending time with the people I love, who, frankly, are not at work. So what do I do to create and maintain the sacredness of my weekend? Well, I’ve set and hold some very firm boundaries and have set some goals for my personal life just as I have for my professional life. Here are some suggestions that I’ve found helpful: 1. Simply do not do email or work phone calls in the evening or on weekends. Period. The trick here is to communicate this to the people you work with to manage their expectations, especially if this is a change. Just let people know that due to family or personal obligations, you are unavailable for email and phone calls after hours and on weekends. 2. Set goals in your personal life just like you do in your professional life. If you set a goal of completing a training or publishing a book or paper or getting a promotion at work, you plan for it and work for it, right? Do the same thing in your personal life. I set a goal of learning to play tennis, partly for exercise and social activities, and partly so I can play with my daughter. I’m taking steps to meet that goal just as I set and take steps to accomplish things at work. 3. Schedule dates with yourself and other people for non-work activities. Just as you make appointments for work items or events, create calendar entries for personal and family time and activities. Plans are easier to break in favor of work if you do not have an appointment or firm commitment- seeing the date on the calendar can help make the event real and harder to skip in favor of work. 4. Use technology boundaries to separate your work and your life. Maybe it would be helpful to create different computer, email, and instant messaging accounts for personal versus professional activities, as well as separate electronic and paper calendars. 5. Decide on what you will consistently say “no” to: Figure out what kinds of work activities that may cut into your “real life” are worth saying yes to and which ones you’ll say no to. For example, I do a number of invited speaking gigs, and although I am always glad to spend the whole day with the group who invited me, I always decline dinner invitations, as that is prime family/kid/homework time, and I need to be a Mom in the evenings. Likewise, I do a minimum of traveling, and am very careful to choose only conferences that are really worth it professionally; I say no to at least 80% of what I could go to or am invited to. It was a little tough to commit to and set others’ expectations for these changes in my boundaries, but now that I’ve done it, I find that I return to work on Monday rested, more effective in taking on my work, relaxed, and fulfilled from spending some time with my family and myself. My tennis game still stinks, but that will get better.

Making Lemonade out of Lemons

Mary — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 15:39:58 +0000

They say that “into every life a little rain must fall.” Does it feel like the rainy season where you are? Sometimes it seems that we get an unfair share of bad stuff happening to us at work, at home, and just in general. For example, in the couple of weeks, the following things have happened to me: 1. I went to the dentist twice and had to pay almost $2,000 to get 6 crowns done. Needless to say, my whole face still hurts. 2. Some jerk backed into my car in a parking lot and did not leave a note taking responsibility. It’s going to cost me my huge stupid deductible on my car insurance first to fix it before my insurance will pay a cent, and the body shop has to have my car for a week to fix it and do all the painting. Nice. 3. My laboratory director quit unexpectedly, giving me virtually no notice to replace her. This will stop 4 ongoing funded projects in their tracks. Great. 4. As part of my current job, I deal with the “bad actors” in my organization, and this week has been full of yelling, emails in capital red letters, and tooth-gritting on my part. Sigh. At times like this, it’s easy to have a pity party and feel pretty down. Admittedly, I’ve had a rotten week. However, as in the past when I’ve had a crappy day, week, month, or year, for that matter, I’ve made the choice to focus on creating positivity and letting the bad stuff go. I know this sounds trite, but it works. If I concentrated on how much my jaws hurt or what a schmuck the person who hit me is or how unappreciated I feel at work, I’d curl up in a little ball in the corner and just cry; I’d be beaten, and that is not something that is part of my self-concept. So, trite or not, here’s how I’m regrouping and getting ready for whatever, good, bad, and ugly, next week and the weeks after that may bring: 1. Take control over what you can: So I could not control that my car got hit, or how others at my job behave, but I can control how I respond to such things. The power of being a smart, independent, strong person is that we have choices. I made the choice to let my anger go about the car, and to accept that job right now is not what I’d hoped it would be, but that I can still do a good job and support my boss, because that *is* my job. 2. Make the changes, and make them stick: So I’m sick of being the whipping boy (girl?) for all the disgruntled staff in my organization, but part of my job is to help resolve such issues. I’ve chosen, however, to actively and completely ignore any emotional aspect of people’s phone calls, emails, or letters, and work to extract the issue or problem at hand. Then, when I respond, I only address the problem, not their feelings or mine. Don’t get me wrong- it still amazes me how people in the workplace can act out and how they are encouraged to do so by people in higher positions than mine by being rewarded for tantrums, but my job is to help problem-solve, not be a therapist or a punching bag. This is a change that protects me and also, frankly, helps me be more effective in solving the real problems that come my way. 3. Create good: After a crummy week, my husband and I were able to leave the kids with my parents for a night and come up to our family’s cabin. It’s not a fancy place, but it’s away from the week, and it is wonderful to physically leave the city behind, if only for a day. I’ve also prioritized my own self-care, and have made sure I take time to exercise, even if it’s just a nice long walk, everyday. I also spent some extra time this week working with a non-profit I’m part of, Smart-Girl, Inc., which was a great way to connect with a group of colleagues who do appreciate what I bring to the table and are partners in a cause we all care about. I guess the take-home message is that when things are not going as you hope they will, that the best strategy is to step back and see what you can change. Of course you cannot walk away from your job or tell people where to stuff it when they’re nasty to you, but you can remember who you are and what you want to be, and focus on that. Be proud of the decisions you make and make them stick. Take time to be with the people and causes you care deeply about, and concentrate on the positivity that those interactions bring. It’s amazing how the crappy parts of the week seem to fade when you take action like this. I know that next week will hold more challenges, but that again, I will find ways to make lemonade out of lemons and feel good about the job I’ve done and the choices I’ve made.

Back to School- for Everyone….

Mary — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 18:02:53 +0000

My kids have spent today diligently writing their names on countless notebooks, folders, dictionaries, and items of clothing in preparation for the onset of the new school year that comes to our neighborhood on Thursday. This is always a bittersweet time of the year- they are eager to get back to their friends and learn new stuff, but sad to see summer go. Of course, it’s back to school for Mommy too, even though I am not lecturing this semester. The dawning of a new academic year brings new graduate students, happily, a new technician for my lab, and a thesis defense for one of my doctoral students. All of these passages are good things, and renewing after the heat and drama of the summer at home and in the lab. So what wisdom have I accrued after going through this process over and over again for myself and my kids? Well…

1. Start the new school year with a clean slate.

One of the great things about a new school year, whether you’re a 4^th grader or a Professor, is the opportunity to do it a little better than you did last year. This can mean a new attitude, a renewed work ethic, but at is most fundamental, it means new notebooks, a new lab books for new students, and new computer files to record the glory of this new year. Psychologically, starting with a clean slate, a fresh lab calendar, a new assignment notebook, and numerous blank pages is incredibly rejuvenating.

2. Enjoy reconnecting with people you haven’t seen in a while.

After a long summer of family vacations, swimming, grants, manuscripts, conferences, and play dates, it’s nice to check in with people and see how things are going. My kids always seem to discover some new friend during this period, and I’ve made collaborative connections over conference tables with folks whose summers brought them a new research idea or direction.

3. Spiff up your wardrobe.

Back-to-school shopping is essential for my kids, of course, because they grow like weeds, but I do spend some time before the new year starts polishing shoes, pitching out things I can’t or don’t wear, and getting my closet in order for dressing like a grown-up on a daily basis.

4. Be open to new people and opportunities.

When an academic year ends, students, teachers, and professors often feel a sense of relief and, perhaps, fatigue from a year of hard work. Returning after a period away can show you new people, opportunities, and possibilities that might just not have been on the table at the end of the last year. We always encourage our kids to meet new people and find new friends, and we must be open to doing that ourselves.

These are the 4 things me and my kids are concentrating on as we head back to school. For them, the opportunities are clear and evident; for me, I may have to look a bit deeper, but I return to the new academic year with renewed purpose and lots of blank paper.