So a few weeks ago in the post “Coach, heal Thyself” I wrote about the realization that it was time, again, to step back , take stock, and make some changes in my life to honor myself, my family, and my health. It’s been a great several weeks since then, and I’ve made some critical decisions through applying the same process I use for my clients to myself. This process, which is worth going through every through years or when you simply feel the need to “change something”, is affirming, focused, and outcome-oriented. I support clients through this process all the time and the results are wonderful; I am privileged to be a partner with them as they go through this process! It involves 5 steps:

1. Write your mission statement. We’ve done this for companies and organizations we work with or work in, but many of us have never done it for ourselves. Once you’ve done it, it’s good to revisit it for accuracy as you move through your life and make changes where you need to.
2. Look at the degree to which each activity and habit you have right now is consistent with your mission statement. Many will be, and others will not be. Make a commitment to enhance the ones that fit your mission and jettison the ones that do not.
3. Make an action plan for re-alignment. Develop an action plan for adjusting the way you conduct your day-to-day life to align with your mission statement. Included in this plan are phasing out the things that do not fit, perhaps replacing them with things that do, and enhancing the things you already do which support your mission.
4. Execute the plan. Set dates and create an accountability framework for yourself to make the plan you came up with a reality. Include specific dates by which you will accomplish or start things that are part of the plan.
5. Celebrate and be kind to yourself. Change is hard, and when you are in the process, it takes discipline. Find a way to reward yourself as you make the changes, and be gentle with yourself when you stumble, which you will.

I have recently completed a cycle of this myself, and am enjoying the benefits of making some tough choices and reaping the benefits. To summarize:

My Mission Statement: My purpose is to express my commitment to helping others, my dedication to my family, and my desire for a balanced and harmonious life. I do this by empowering others to excel through my coaching, by making choices that prioritize my family, and by nurturing my own mental and physical health.

My assessment of how my current activities supported this showed that I needed to change the number of hours I work every week, reduce the amount of turmoil in my position at the University by changing the focus of my work there, and develop a healthy relationship with food and my body.

My action steps include not checking email or taking work phone calls after business hours and on the weekends, executing an exit strategy for my work as an Associate Dean and finding another leadership position that allows me to spend more time with my scholarship, students, and family, and working with a coach to support me in breaking my diet cycle and being present in my body to support my health.

The plan is currently being executed, I’ve met the goals I’d planned to by this point and om on track for the longer-term ones, and I feel GREAT. The relief and the fact that I know I have made good choices is wonderful and reinforces for me why this process is so important to repeat every once in a while! It’s hard to change things, but it is far harder to have lost the chance to change, have it be too late, and live with regret.

Take the time to honor yourself by stepping back, taking stock, listening to your body and mind, and respecting yourself enough to take the time, make the change, and reap the benefits.

I spent much of the day yesterday at a promotional booth at an organic market here in Denver talking to all kinds of people about stress, health, and life coaching. I’d say that nearly 80% of the conversations were around what coaching does and what it means to hire a coach. At the core of these chats was the distinction between a coach and a counsellor or psychologist, and once we cleared that up, I had some great conversations with folks facing all kinds of transitions for which coaching could be a great support. In that vein, I’m blogging today about what coaching is and what it is not.

To start with a sanctioned definition of coaching, let’s use the one from the International Coach Federation: “Coaching is an on-going partnership that helps clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives. Through the process of coaching, clients deepen their learning, improve their performance, and enhance their quality of life. Beginning with the clients’ desires, coaching uses reporting, exploring, and a consistent commitment to move the client forward. Coaching accelerates the clients’ progress by providing greater focus and awareness of choice. Coaching concentrates on where clients are today and what they are willing to do to get where they want to be tomorrow.”

Life Coaching is all about helping people get from where they are in their lives now
to where they want to be.

If everyone is honest with themselves, we can all find an area or two in our lives we’d like to improve.
People know what to do in life to be more successful but they don’t do what they know. It is a Life Coach’s job to help people get what they want in life in by breaking down the barriers that people impose on themselves.

In many ways a Life Coach is similar to a Personal Trainer.

When you go to a gym they will first ask you what your goals are:

Lose weight? Lose fat? Build muscle? Build endurance? Increase stamina?

They will then see where you are in regards to your goals. So for example, if you want to lose body fat they may ask you to take a body fat composition test that will measure your current levels of body fat, you may be asked to take a fitness test, asked what your current eating habits are etc.. After establishing exactly how much you want to lose and over what period of time you want to lose it the trainer will then devise a plan of action of what you must do in order to achieve your fat reduction goals. Along the way your personal trainer will encourage and motivate you, ask you questions about your motivations and any barriers that you face and will help you. The end goal of a trainer is to help you achieve your goals a lot quicker and more effectively than if you did it yourself.

A Life Coach does EXACTLY the same as a Personal Trainer but with areas of your life.

This could include:

• Confidence and self esteem
- Feel good about yourself
- Remove the self doubt
-
- Meet new people and feel confident
- Speak in front of groups

• Career
- Know what career is for you
- Get a better job
- Do your job better
- Get a promotion
- Start your own business and go it alone

• Relationships
- Develop listening skills
- Work through problems with your partner
- How to get through tough times
- Build stronger bonds

• Communication skills
- How to communicate with anyone
- How to make small talk with strangers
- How to get your point across effectively

• Dreams and achievements
- Set some compelling goals
- Work out what you want from life
- Provide direction and purpose
- Have more fun
- Have more energy

• Money/Finance
- Earn more money
- Save more money
- Work out and stick to budgets more effectively

• Getting what you want in life
- Becoming more organised
- Getting rid of barriers and negative thinking
- Manage your time more effectively
- Discover your values in life
- Remove the clutter that bogs you down
- How to stay focussed

The role of a life coach

Rather than actually TELLING someone the answers, a Life Coach is the catalyst for getting a client to find the answers themselves. By asking challenging and thought provoking questions, a Life Coach can unlock the potential in a client. Coaching is forward looking and focused on the action you are willing to take to get what you want out of life. Sometimes you just can’t see the forest for the trees! You so are wrapped up in everyday life that indeed life just passes you by. Coaching enables you to see different alternatives and to take a step back and actually examine your life and all of it’s component parts.

This in turn leads to greater:

• Self-awareness
• Focus
• Accountability

A Coach Is . . .

• Your own personal trainer to enable you to achieve your goals
• Your champion during a turnaround.
• Your trainer in communication and life skills.
• Your sounding board when making choices.
• Your motivation when strong actions are called for.
• Your unconditional support when you take a hit.
• Your mentor in personal development.
• Your co-designer when creating an extraordinary project.
• Your beacon during stormy times.
• Your wake-up call if you don’t hear your own.
• And most importantly, the professional coach is your partner in helping you have all of what matters most to you.

How does coaching work?

Coaching can be conducted through a number of mediums – here are the most popular:

- sessions in person
- sessions on the telephone
- sessions using email

No matter what method is used the approach is the same. During each coaching session the coach and the client will discuss and explore the clients’ journey including their goals, wins, challenges, and opportunities, as well as develop “homework” for the coming week. Homework isn’t like the homework you were assigned in school. It consists of action steps to move you closer toward your goals and dreams. The client brings the agenda and the coach brings the coaching skills to create a partnership that moves the client forward.

One-on-One Coaching:

The structure of coaching is flexible.

You can design a coaching arrangement with the client that meets their individual needs and schedule. The basic design consists of:

• 30 minute complementary “is this for you” session?
• An initial one-hour session to create a coaching strategy (in-person or by phone)
• Initial assessment to evaluate work and life needs and establish goals.
• Regular on-going coaching sessions (typically by phone/email)
• Exercises to increase self-awareness, encourage creative thinking, and develop practical skills.
• Full confidentiality
• Quarterly evaluation and review, along with strategies for ongoing support.

Coaching sessions are usually scheduled weekly, lasting from a half-hour to an hour. Together, you will define the length and frequency that best supports the client. Sessions may be focused on one specific goal or challenge that the client is facing, or on a much broader set of personal or professional issues.

What Coaching is Not:

THERAPY: Many people think that coaching is like seeing a psychologist or a therapist. It is not. Coaching is not designed to diagnose, treat, or provide support for any psychiatric illness or mental health concern. On the contrary, coaches work with well people who need some help making transitions or changes in their lives. A reputable coach will reiterate this distinction up front and will quickly refer you out to a mental health professional when and if it is warranted. Beware of coaches claiming to provide support for any mental health concern if the person is not also a licenced therapist, counsellor, or psychologist.

AN ADMISSION OF FAILURE: Some folks worry that using a coach is stigmatizing and suggests that “you can’t do it on your own”. On the contrary, research has shown over and over again that folks who create support structures for themselves are much more successful in making changes or transitions in their lives than folks who go it alone. Engaging a coach, rather than an admission of failure, indicates a commitment to yourself; many of us are willing to invest in supporting our kids, our co-workers, our churches, schools, and other non-profit organizations, but we tend to be reticent about investing time and money into ourselves. The benefits of working with the right coach at critical times in your life can be incredible. If you decide to work with a coach, be proud of the investment you are making in your own well-being and life.