So I just came back from a vacation. Not one of those taking-work-with-me-call- me-if-you-need-me-here’s-my-cell-phone –number-and-I’m checking-my-email “vacations”, but a real, totally unplugged, relaxing, no work at all vacation.

Wow- it was GREAT.

And you know what? The office did not fall apart and the world did not come to an end as a result of me being out of the office and totally dark for 6 days! As a matter of fact, all the work I left and frankly did not worry about is still here ready for me to tackle afresh, which I can do now that I’m rested and refreshed.

Don’t get me wrong- this was the first real, bona fide Vacation (note the capital “v”) that I’ve taken in recent memory. Why? Well, I felt guilty about taking time off, even though others around me did it, and I felt worried that I’d “miss something” or that something major would fall through the cracks with me gone.

Several seasons of observation, however, of the people in my work and personal life whom I view as successful, balanced, and consistently effective people have taught me several things that have made me a big believer in The Vacation. Here are the highlights and what I’ve done to incorporate them into my own life- I hope they are helpful for you:

1. Work Hard, Play Hard: Not in the sense of kill yourself and then recover, but what I’ve seen is that people I really respect and admire professionally and personally are unrelenting in their ability to be effective at work, engaging in a minimum of time-wasting and a maximum of thoughtful, hard work. When they are at work, they are 100% AT WORK, not dorking around on YouTube or Facebook, going out to coffee and social lunches, or gabbing in the offices of others. This incredible and consistent effort while at work is balanced by well-deserved 100% VACATIONS. They may not happen very often, but when they do, they are complete; the vacationer is absolutely and completely out of the office. When the vacationer returns to work, he/she is refreshed, clear, and able to take back on the mantle of effective work and leadership they bore prior to the break. Their tank has been refilled, and everyone benefits.

2. Use Logic: Plan your vacation time carefully. Don't schedule it during a major project that requires your involvement. Steer clear of typically busy times during the year, and when possible, plan to be gone during “slow times” seasons.

3. Get your House in Order: Prepare your workplace and colleagues by handing off pieces of your work while you are gone, and return the favor when they are on vacation. Forward calls to someone in your organization or leave an outgoing voice message that you're out of the office and will follow up when you return, and where folks should call for urgent matters. Automate your e-mail with an 'out of the office' reply.

4. Clock Out: When on vacation, do not take work with you, check your email, answer work phone calls, or check in. The fear that something major will happen and that the office will not be able to struggle along without your wisdom is simply unfounded. Use this precious time to recharge, and do it fully. Imagine filling up a gas tank that has a hole in the bottom. Although you keep putting gas in, it never fills up because it is leaking out the whole time. Vacations are like that for your physical and emotional heath, and work intrusions are like the hole in the tank. If you spend a great day hiking in the summer sun only to come back to your cabin to deal with an hour of work email, you are simply not effectively refilling your tank.

5. Don’t Apologize: Everyone who works and works hard deserves some down time. It is yours- take it and make the most of it.

No matter how hard, complicated, or demanding your job may be, it’s critical to take the time to tune out and take a real Vacation. You will return renewed, refreshed, and ready to deal with the work you left behind and what accumulated while you were away. This investment in yourself is one of the most overlooked yet valuable tools you have to avoid career burnout, emotional fatigue, and untoward effects of stress on your physical and mental health.

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So we’re in full swing at my house these days: school, job pressure for both of us, failing father-in-law stress, soccer schedules, tennis lessons, plumbing problems, “oh crap, I have a dentist appointment today”, etc. Time to re-group and remind myself of all the stress-management techniques that help us get it all done and not go nuts. Every year about this time I run through this Top Ten List of Stress-Reducers and make sure I am actually doing them. It helps. 10. Identify and stick to your priorities: Make a list of tasks you must accomplish. With each item on your “must” list, include a deadline or a clear time commitment. 9. Be organized: Use the list you generated in #1 to organize your life and calendar. Treat tasks as appointments with yourself just as you’d make appointments with others- respect your own time. 8. Keep communication open: …with your family, your boss, your spouse. The motto to keep in mind here is Communicate Early, Communicate Often. Remember also that communication is a learned skill- practice it until it becomes second nature. 7. Expect the Unexpected: Some morning when you have a really important meeting at work or a deadline, you’ll wake up to a flooded basement or a vomiting child and someone has to take one for the team. This too will pass, and getting upset about it just makes it seem worse. 6. Save time by spending a little more money: In the long run, you have only two things to spend-time and money. If you want to save on one, you'll have to spend the other. 5. Pick your battles: Decide what things are non-negotiable for you and which ones really are not that big a deal at home and at work. For example, there are so many things I used to get worked up about that I just don’t sweat anymore. 4. Learn to do two things at once: Help your son with his homework while you're waiting for the wash to finish. Plan your errands so that everything in one neighborhood is done in the same trip. Catch up on your email while waiting for school to get out. 3. Learn to say no: Clearly, there are some things you can’t say “no” to, such as when your boss asks you to do an important task or your baby needs to go to the doctor, but there are plenty of things you can say no to. 2. Ask for help: When there’s too much to do, ask for help at home or at work. This totally goes against the “Superparent” self-concept many of us have for ourselves, but we all know, deep-down, that we cannot do it all well all the time. 1. Be kind to yourself and others: Be sure to take care of yourself and your family by making time together without kids, and without each other sometimes. Take care of your mind and body.

So the last few weeks have found me doing a series of TV spots and little interviews and talks on topics of stress reduction, time management, and the importance of setting aside worries to get a good night’s sleep. These are great fun, because I enjoy doing them, and also, I think they help keep me honest- if I’m going to talk about this stuff, I need to practice what I preach, which is easier said than done. Why are these so much fun to do for me? As a scientist and professor, I spend most of my time talking to students or to colleagues who already have a foundation for understanding the details of the complex relationships between stress, sleep, health, immunology, and physiology that are part of my research. On the other hand, I love doing media spots because it gives me the chance to blend my science, teaching, and my coaching, to provide the popular press with real scientific analysis and data around things that tend to get watered down and miscommunicated in the media- I enjoy the challenge of making this stuff accessible to a lay audience, but still factual and not diluted to the point that the research basis for my comments is lost. For example, “Stress is always bad for you, so try really hard to avoid stress” is a message I’ve read in magazines and heard on the radio and TV more times than I can count. Of course, stress is not avoidable, so it could be argued that putting effort into “trying really hard to avoid stress” is, in itself, a stress-inducing mandate. The facts, of course, are that stress is defined broadly, affects different individuals to varying degrees, and can be motivating and positive, given that it is met with constructive activity that meets the demand and allows for resolution. On the flip-side, and the place where many popular press pieces fail, is the fact that animal and human research broadly show that chronic stress does not allow the body to recover from stress which can have long-term consequences for immunity, cognition, and disease susceptibility; the key seems to be active coping and developing strategies to create time and space for mental and physical recovery from stress, even if it’s just a “time-out” and then a return to the stressful situation. These interviews are great fun, but usually, at the end of them, the reporter asks something like, “So, what do *you* do to combat stress/get enough sleep/stop worrying?”. I found myself repeatedly laughing and saying something like “Well, I’m still working on the ‘practice what you preach’ part so for now, the message is ‘do as I say and not as I do!’” Ha Ha. I’ve decided this is really not very funny anymore, so in the last weeks, I have committed to practicing what I preach. I have made appointments with myself, that I am keeping, to exercise every day, to have 1 hour of “me” time each day (usually 30 minutes in the morning and 30 at night) to read, take a walk, or do some yoga, and to get to bed at a regular time each night so I get at least 7 hours of sleep per night. This is the stuff I tell clients to do and what I recommend to my classes and in the media spots I do, and finally, I am doing it myself over an extended period of time. The good news is that is really does work! I feel much more rested, less stressed (even though my job is getting more stressful by the day), and les cranky to my family, myself, and my colleagues. It feels good not to be a hypocrite anymore, and the best part is that I am just generally much more optimistic, even-tempered, and circumspect about the stress as it comes my way. The take-home message is that now when people ask me “How do you do everything?” I can honestly say that I am taking care of myself and everybody else- it does take a little more discipline (I get up at 4:30 every morning now, but the benefits far outweigh the cost of this early start), and I do say “no” to things that encroach on my time for exercise and me. Again, the benefits of this far outweigh the costs- I know I am a better Mom, partner, coach, colleague, and professor for committing to taking care of myself.